What Can I Say
by TStabler
Summary: When 'thank you' isn't strong enough, and what you really want to say will change everything, what do you say? That is what Elliot Stabler is trying to find out, as he finally realizes his partner has been more than just a partner for years. Future E/O
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A new story, with a new angle.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Tstabler © own this story.**

"How old is he?" a doctor asked, rushing with the gurney through the doors of the emergency room.

"Fourteen," a young girl said, worried and biting her lip. "Is he gonna be okay?"

"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.

The girl wrung her hands together. "He was on the roof. He and his friends were just goofing off, and he fell...and..."

"All right," the doctor said. "I have to leave you here, but I can't do anything for him without parental consent, so I need to call..."

"I did that!" the girl yelled. "Neither one of them has picked up, and I...I can call someone else. I can get someone who has the right to sign for him down here, just...give me five minutes. I promise, help him. She'll be here."

The doctor sighed, then heard the boy on the gurney groan. "All right," he said, assuming the kid's life was more important than arguing with a teenager. "Someone needs to be down here to sign forms before he goes under any kind of..."

"She will be," the girl said, nodding. She immediately pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and ran for the hallway. She dialed and waited, shaking. "Liv? Liv! You gotta get down to Mercy General. No! No, don't...he didn't answer. He went out with Mom. He wouldn't...yes! No, I'm fine. It's...it's Dickie." She took a deep breath and said, "I'm so sorry. You...tell Mike I'm sorry."

She hung up the phone, feeling worse for making the woman she called ditch her date, but she knew that it was because she cared.

"Is she coming?" another girl, her sister, asked with hope in her voice.

"Yeah, Lizzie," the girl said, nodding. "She actually cares enough about us to answer the phone."

* * *

Less than five minutes later, the woman rushed through the doors, out of breath, a badge in one hand and a broken heel in the other. "Dickie Stabler," she panted at the desk, holding up her gold badge.

The nurse looked confused. "I don't...uh, Detective Benson, I don't think he..."

"Liv!" someone yelled. "Olivia!"

The woman, Olivia, turned, sighing in relief as she ran toward the three panic-stricken girls. She checked them over and eyed them carefully. "Are you guys okay, Maureen?"

The oldest girl nodded. "We're fine, it was just Dickie being stupid. They think he's got a broken leg, and they couldn't..."

"Find his doctor," Olivia said. "I'll sign whatever they need me to sign."

Maureen nodded, then ran off to find Dickie's doctor. Olivia, then, looked at the next in line. "Kathleen, where the hell are your parents?"

"Same place they were when you had to pick me up from soccer practice last Friday," Kathleen said with a pout. "Out somewhere, fighting or something, and not paying attention to their phones."

Olivia scoffed. "Yeah? Well, let's see him ignore this one, huh?" She whipped out her cell phone, dialed her partner's number, and waited as it rang. "Stabler, you son of a bitch, pick up your damned phone! Your kids have been trying to reach you for over an hour. I'm at the hospital because your son...hold on." She looked at the doctor that Maureen had brought over to her.

She swiped the pen over the page, signing her name. "I'm their emergency medi...yeah. Benson. That's right." She turned her attention back to the phone, watching the doctor fly back toward the doors. "Your son fell off of the roof! This is the fourth time this month that I'm here when you and your wife should be, Elliot. I love them, but frankly, if I didn't have a hand in making them, they should not be my responsi..." The beep of the voicemail cut her off.

She shook her head and ended the call, then looked at the three girls who were staring at her. She smirked and held up her shoe. "Broke a shoe and a heart for you guys tonight."

Maureen laughed as she watched Olivia take off her other shoe and break off the heel. "Oh, nice."

"Instant flats," Olivia said as she sat in a chair. "You have no idea how much you guys mean to me. I ditched a hot lawyer and took a subway, then ran two blocks in these shoes."

Lizzie, the youngest of the girls, sat beside her. "Was it Mike again?"

Olivia sighed and nodded. "Yeah, Pip." She tapped Lizzie's nose and used a nickname she'd given the girl years ago. "I think this was my third strike."

Kathleen sat in the chair on the other side of Olivia. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called..."

"No, honey," Olivia interrupted, tugging on the teenager's chin. "You did the right thing. You know the rules. You call your father, then your mother, then me."

Kathleen bit her bottom lip. "That's...that's why I'm sorry."

Olivia tilted her head, then she realized. "You didn't call them."

"I called Mom," Maureen said, shrugging. "She didn't answer. I figured Dad wouldn't either, so Katie just skipped to you."

"We should really just do that from now on," Lizzie said, dropping her head to Olivia's shoulder. "Skip right to you."

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes, wondering how this had all happened, and hoping she could, somehow, make it right.

* * *

An hour later, the three girls were sound asleep and Olivia, in her broken shoes, was pacing back and forth, waiting for the doctor to come back with another form. She heard a familiar voice and ran to the front desk, stopping him before he got too angry at the poor nurse. "Elliot!"

He turned, his face white and his breathe short. "Where is he? Is he okay? Shit, my phone was in the car, and then I got this message from you...you yelled at me for..."

"They told me they never called you," she interrupted, feeling guilty for yelling at him. "Where's your wife?"

"She's on the phone with her mother," he snapped, thrusting a hand to the door. "Blaming me for this, as if she didn't want to go to the fucking show. I was the one who told her I wanted to stay..."

"Look, leave me out of your marital crisis," Olivia said. "You're here now, your son is in a recovery room, you're welcome."

He grimaced. "Shit, I'm sorry, Liv...thank you. I don't know what I would have done if..." he paused, as if just noticing something about her. "You look beautiful."

"Yeah, well, Mike thought so, too," she said, folding her arms. "Until I left him in the restaurant, alone, for the third time."

He squinted. "Third...we haven't had any late cases in...wait. In your message you said...are you saying my kids called you for..."

"Listen to me," she said, holding up her hand. "I don't know why they keep coming to me, or why they stopped going to you with their problems, but you have to get a handle on your kids or you're gonna lose them." She looked up as Kathy came through the doors, fuming. "He's fine. It was a clean break. I'm leaving."

She moved to go, but he grabbed her hand. "Liv," he said, straining to look into her eyes without showing too much emotion. "Thank you."

She nodded, pulled her hand away from his, and said, "You're welcome." She walked out of the hospital, unaware that his eyes never left her as she faded from his view.

He looked over at his sleeping daughters, thinking about all they had to talk about when they woke up.

* * *

He held the door open for his son, walking into the living room on crutches. He'd had a long talk with him about the stupid stunt he pulled, and he talked to all four of his kids about how often they'd asked Olivia for help.

He closed the door after all of his children and his wife were in the house, and he thought about all the kids had told him. Shopping trips, rides to games and school dances, emergencies like the one they faced tonight. He had been trying so hard to keep his marriage together that he let the rest of his family fall apart.

He nodded at Kathy, who was helping Dickie get settled on the couch, and he walked up the stairs, into his bedroom. He took the phone out of his pocket and sat on the bed, staring at it before finally dialing, knowing he'd be waking her up.

* * *

She moaned, her hand blindly finding her cell phone on her nightstand. "Benson," she mumbled, not opening her eyes. "El? We catch something?" she asked, sitting up. "Then why are you...oh. Uh, right now? No, you know I didn't eat, I...yeah, yeah. I'll meet you at...you don't have to come pick me up." She rolled her eyes as she got out of the bed.

She sighed into the phone and said, "Five minutes." She ended the call, then ran her hands through her hair. He wanted to know the truth, and she was going to tell it to him. All of it.

**A/N: Continue? Review and tell me yay or nay.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: A conversation of sorts.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

The ride to the diner was silent, as was the first ten minutes of being in the booth. Elliot was just sighing and Olivia had picked a hole in her sleevewith her nails from nerves. She didn't want to have this conversation; she didn't even want to be with Elliot right now.

"Order something," he told her, an unreadable look in his eyes as the waiter dropped their drinks.

She shook her head and pulled her sleeves down further, sticking one thumb through the hole her fingernails had made. "Not really too hungry," she said with a shrug. She waved the waiter off with a small smile.

"I'd feel better if you ate," he told her, shifting in his seat. "It's technically my fault you missed dinner." He folded his arms, tilted his head, and noticed the traces of eyeliner still lingering on her lashes. He smiled sadly, remembering how beautiful she looked at the hospital. Surprisingly, he remembered all of the details about her, the dress she wore, her hair done nicer than she usually wore it at work.

"Yeah," she scoffed. "You wanna tell me where the hell you were when your son thought he was Superman?"

He chuckled. "Lincoln Center," he said, pulling a box out of his pocket. "Kathy wanted to see this stupid opera about a woman who fell in love with someone she couldn't have and…"

"Carmina Burana," Olivia said, matter-of-factly. "I've seen it. Well, half of it."

He closed his eyes and tapped the box in his hands against the table. "I am so sorry about that," he said, shaking his head. He flipped open the box top as he said, "They really shouldn't have bothered you."

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't smoke around me," she said, glaring at him. "Or at all. I thought you quit."

He rolled his eyes. "I did," he told her. "I just…my nerves are shot. I just found out that you…you've been there when…"

"Don't blame yourself," she said, feeling guilty. "I shouldn't have snapped like that. I was just…this was the third date, ya know? Things are supposed to, um, happen…after the third date."

Elliot felt a sharp pain in his chest. He cleared his throat, shaking it off. He wasn't jealous, was he? He wasn't upset that she was considering sleeping with someone, he couldn't possibly be. "I'm sure you'll see Mike…"

"No," she interrupted, biting her lip. "No, uh, he couldn't take it anymore. He was tired of coming after my job as it was, and tonight he realized he also came after kids. Kids who aren't even mine." She smirked and laughed in bitter jest. "Figures, right? I finally find a guy who can handle me and I blow it for…well, for you."

He looked down at the table and slid the box of cigarettes toward the sat and pepper, away from him. "The kids, they told me this has been going on for a while. Why didn't you tell me?"

She folded her arms, still picking at the hole in her sweater. "I figured they called me for a reason. It was just little things at first, and I thought you already knew. When the problems got bigger…I guess I just thought there was a reason they were coming to me, not you." She met his eyes and said, "If they wanted you, they would have gone to you."

He sat back, then, taking in her words, and also noticing how she flicked her bangs out of her eyes with one finger, the way her mouth curled at the edges just slightly, as if she was afraid to smile. "I don't know what to say," he said, shrugging just a bit.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she said, flopping back. "Other than I'm sorry, but I'm not. El, if I had to do it all over again, I would. Those kids are too great to feel like they have no one because…" she looked at him again, seeing for the first time just how tired he was. "What's going on with you and Kathy? The kids said something about you being out all the time, fighting a lot. Talk to me."

He sipped the glass of soda in front of him and let out a harsh breath, looking away from her, focusing on a framed picture on the wall of the diner. "I wish I knew," he said softly. "I honestly couldn't tell you. It's just…she's there but she's not. Or...I'm not. She wants me to tell her what's on my mind, open up, but how can I talk about what I'm thinking to her without scaring the shit out of her?"

"Talk about sports," she said, trying to lighten the mood.

He scoffed. "Seriously," he mumbled as he darted his eyes to the waiter, calling him over with a gesture. "I can't tell her about work, I can't tell her about you, I can't…"

"Me?" she questioned.

Elliot cleared his throat again, then looked at the waiter. "Two double cheeseburger platters, extra mayo, extra pickles, no onions. One with cheddar, not American, and the fries need to be extra crispy."

She leaned forward. "I told you I wasn't…"

"You're eating," he said firmly, looking at her. He flinched in surprise, then, wondering when her eyes got so bright, so brown. "Please," he almost whispered.

She held his gaze for a minute, then sat back. "Okay," she said, shaking her head.

Elliot nodded at the waiter, sending him off, and looked back at Olivia. "I can't tell her that I can't talk to her because I've already talked to you. Everything she wants me to vent about, get off my chest, to her…I've already done it with you. She already thinks…forget it."

She tilted her head and sipped her water. "She thinks what?"

"She thinks we…uh, that you and I…she has this crazy idea that we've…"

"Oh, wow, okay," she said, sitting up straighter with wider eyes. "That explains why whenever I say hi to her she calls me a bitch," she mused with a smirk. "Thanks for clearing that up."

He chuckled and said, "I've done everything I could to convince her nothing is…there's nothing between us. That's why we haven't had any late calls, I asked Cragen to lighten up until Kathy backed off. I've taken her out every night, did things, bought her things, whatever she asked for, and today…today she yelled at me for it again. She's so sure that you being there for the kids must mean we're sleeping together. She told me that someone who's just a partner wouldn't be that involved with our kids."

She sipped her water again, and she licked her lips in thought for a moment. "She's right," she said softly.

"I know," he said with a smile, "I told her you were more than…"

"So I shouldn't be, then," she interrupted. "I should probably not be...um..."

He furrowed his brow and interrupted her. "What? No, no, Liv, I…"

"Tomorrow morning, I'll…maybe I should tell Cragen I need a new partner, ya know?" she suggested. "Back off a bit. Give you space."

"I never said…absolutely not," he said, the anger in his eyes clouding the fear. "That's not what I meant at all!"

She sighed and ran her fingers though her hair. "What do you want me to do, then, stay away from the kids? I'm the only one they fucking trust now, Elliot, I can't…"

"I don't want that either!" he yelled.

"Then what do you want?" she asked, her volume almost matching his. "Please, tell me, what the hell do you want me to do?"

He pounded the table with a closed fist. "I don't fucking know, Olivia!"

There was silence. Dead silence. He knew the few people around them were staring, and he knew he'd just yelled without cause. He closed his eyes, and through tightly clenched teeth he said, "I don't know." He took a deep breath and said, "But I know…I don't want you to leave."

She raised an eyebrow. "You already left," she whispered.

"What the hell does that mean?" he asked, opening his eyes and relaxing a bit, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," she sighed. "You asked me to meet you because you said you had questions." She leaned back so the waiter could put the food on the table. "Ask them so I can go the hell home, huh?"

He ran a hand down his face. "All right, look, I'm sorry I yelled, but when you talk about leaving, switching partners, I get…I panic and my first instinct is to scare you into changing your mind." He reached over and took one of her fries, popping it into his mouth.

She reached for one of his pickles as he poured ketchup on both of their plates, as if this was a common occurrence, they had a routine. It was. They did. "After all these years, you think you still scare me?"

He chuckled, chewing. "Not really, no," he told her. "Just…can we forget I yelled? Call us even for that nasty voicemail you…you called me a son of a bitch."

She laughed, nipping at her burger. "You are," she said with a mouthful. "Seriously, though, start talking. It's one in the morning and you've got me here eating a burger when I could be home dreaming about what I was supposed to be doing after my date."

He choked on his burger, reaching for his soda quickly. "Wow," he scoffed out, breathing. "Right, uh, I just…I wanted to know…" he stopped, he sighed, and a hand flew to his face. "You think I'm a horrible father, don't you? I mean, you know my kids better than I do, and the reasons are so fucking stupid, I…"

"Hey," she said, her eyes narrow and her voice firm. "You are a wonderful father, you just…you got caught up in trying to keep Kathy happy…"

"But she's not, so I messed up with my kids for nothing," he told her, cutting her off as he stole another one of her fries.

She bit quietly into her burger, chewed thoughtfully, swallowed, and sighed. "What are you gonna do about it?"

He slowly lifted his head to meet hers. "Ask you to help me," he said, almost regretting the words. "Please, Liv, help me get them back, before I lose them completely."

She sipped her water, her eyes focused on his, and she nodded. "I'll do what I can." She wasn't sure how, though, she would keep that promise. His kids hardly trusted him, and she had no idea how to convince him he would be there for them from now on.

He smiled, letting out a soft sigh of relief, and said, "Thank you." He knew, watching her slowly eating a fry, that those words alone wouldn't be enough.

**A/N: What will be Olivia's first step in bringing Elliot and his kids closer? It will reveal just how well she knows his children, and how well they know her. Elliot may learn a thing or two. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Elliot's first step forward proves to be two steps backward, and a mile behind Olivia. Can he catch up?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Olivia held open the gate, smiling at the kids as they walked, and Dickie all but limped with his crutches, through the space. They ran off, knowing their destination, leaving Olivia and Elliot a few behind.

"Hey!" Elliot yelled after his kids. "Girls, wait for your brother!" He yelled with a laugh.

Olivia chuckled, then gave Elliot a nudge in his side with her elbow. "So it was a pretty good night, huh?"

Elliot laughed. "Yeah, dinner...Jesus. I ordered for everyone and you stopped me..." he paused, shook his head, and said, "You proved you know more about my kids favorite foods than I do. Oh, and the movie, during which I learned Katie outgrew her obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio and is now obsessed with Jake Gyllenhal." He sighed and watched the girls as they slipped through the open gate a few feet ahead of them and out onto the baseball diamond. Dickie took a seat on the bleachers with a sigh, reminding Elliot of something else. "Oh, and thanks for pointing out that Dickie's favorite color is red now," he said. "You could have told me before I bought the blue…"

"They just loved being with you," Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "Npne of that really matters, El. I took us all to their favorite place so they could share it with you. If I would have known that it would bother you…"

"It didn't bother me," he interrupted. He looked into her eyes and gave her a soft smile. "I needed to know. I needed to realize just how much they changed without me noticing."

Olivia sighed as she sat on the bleachers, then slid down so Elliot could sit between her and Dickie. "Well, now you know, and you can be there to watch them change again." She chuckled and said, "They do it about once a week, so keep your eyes open."

"How did you do this?" Elliot asked, looking around the park, watching his daughters playing in the dugout with a smile. "First you, amazingly, convince Cragen to let us go early, and then you take us all out for one of the best dinners I've ever had. Now we're here? This place closes to the public at nine, how the hell did you even get them to let us…"

"I know the guy," Olivia said quickly, looking away from him. "We come here every Friday. Dickie's games are always on Saturdays so we…"

"Wait," he said, holding up a hand. "You leave work late every Friday, then go get my kids when I'm out with Kathy and bring them here so my son can practice?"

Olivia shrugged. "I have nothing better to do."

Dickie, overhearing, looked at his father. "She's lying, Dad," the boy said. "She could have been doing a million other things. She could have been with Mike, but she was here, with us, because she didn't want us to be alone, or unsupervised, or whatever. Ya know, we won that last game...the one with the blackout...because she taught me how to swing and pitch in the dark. Taught me how to listen for the ball, feel it coming. Dad, you have to see her hit…I mean, it goes all the way over the gate and into the street! She almost hit a car once!"

Elliot chuckled. "Is that right?" he asked, looking at Olivia out of the corner of his eye. "She neglected to tell me she can play baseball."

Dickie laughed. "Baseball, soccer, tennis, and did you know, she's the one who helped Maureen get on the gymnastics team? She choreographed this whole routine for the tryouts and…"

"Liv," Elliot said, looking at her with narrow eyes, "You really…"

"Yeah," she said, feeling uncomfortable. "Hey, Dickie, why don't you go out there and show the girls you can still kick their butts, with one leg tied behind your back." She smiled at him and said, "You have two good arms, kid. Pitch. Show your father the curveball I taught you."

Dickie gave her a big grin and nodded, working onto his crutches and hobbling out toward his sisters.

Elliot sighed, watching him go. "So now they know more about you than I do, that's not…that's not supposed to happen." He shook his head and then slowly looked at Olivia. "No one is supposed to know you better than me." He looked at her and watched her flick her bangs with her finger, he felt a chill run down his spine when he looked into her eyes, and he forgot to breathe.

She raised an eyebrow. "What are you…"

He interrupted, finally breathing, and moving closer to her. "No one is supposed to know that you hate the color grey because it's so lifeless, or that you have this crazy thing with people touching your ears, or that you had an embarrassing childhood crush on Tony Danza, or that you…" he shook his head again. "God, I lost everything, haven't I?" He coughed and looked away from her. "The kids, you, Kathy, it's all…it's all just falling apart."

"El, you're making too much out of this." She folded her arms, her own guilt eating at her. "You were working on your marriage. It's a priority, and I get it," she said, keeping the urge to rest a hand on his shoulder at bay. "The kids get it. Trust me. You're here, now, right? With the kids, with…I'm here." She narrowed her eyes. "Where's Kathy?"

"I asked her to come," he said with an air of indifference. "She said she…she didn't really cherish the idea of spending any time with you."

"A woman who thinks I'm sleeping with her husband left me alone with him all night?" she chuckled. "That's not something a secure wife does. Just saying."

He laughed, sounding bitter and jaded. "Yeah," he said. "I know that. That tells me something, Liv. It tells me I let you slip away for nothing."

She stared at him. The words he'd said hit her hard. "You…you meant the kids," she said when she remembered to breathe. "You meant you let the kids slip away for nothing."

"No," he sighed. "No, I didn't. I said exactly what I meant."

Before Olivia could do more than blink, the kids yelled for her and their father. Her head turned and she waved at them with a smile.

"Come on!" Lizzie yelled. "We can't do this with three people! Dad, you have to come catch, and Liv has to play! Dickie can't run, so our teams are uneven! We need you, Liv!"

Elliot smiled, though his heart broke a bit. "They need you, Liv," he muttered, his voice suddenly dry and hoarse. "They really do. They need you." He finally looked at her and said, "I will never be able to thank you, repay you for what you've done for them. I just…I should have been the one that…" he stopped talking as the sob caught in his throat.

Olivia watched as a hand shot to his eyes, palming over his nose and rubbing his closed lids, stopping himself from crying. She didn't know what to do, how to react. She'd never seen him cry before, and she'd never wanted to hold him more than she did now. "El," she whispered.

He shook his head, his hand still covering his nose and mouth, his shoulders bouncing with his light, silent sobs.

"El, come on," Olivia whispered, clenching her fists to stop from touching him. "It's okay. Just…just go play with your kids."

He shook his head and sniffled, moving his hand and looking at her. His red eyes bore into hers and he very firmly said, "They're not the only ones that need you, Olivia Benson."

Olivia, losing the ability to breathe, unfolded her arms, and reached for his hand. She stopped, common sense and a dose of reality falling back inot her lap. She couldn't touch him, she couldn't make this intimate. She sighed, dropping her hands to her sides. "What's going on, Elliot?" she asked in a soft whisper. "You keep avoiding this, you won't talk to me, I…"

He shook his head and took a deep breath. He extended his arm and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. "It's over. I just…I don't want to admit it. I didn't want to…I was ignoring it, trying to stop it, and now it's…it's too fucking late, Liv. It's finally over."

She was half-listening to him, staring down at his hand in hers, his hand clutching hers for dear life. She felt it, she saw it, but she didn't believe it. "What…what's over?"

"You know what," he hissed bitterly. "My marriage, my life, all of it. I just…you gotta tell me now, that you're not…that I haven't lost you, too, because tonight…being with you and the kids…it's made me realize what I've been missing when I was trying to hold on to something else. Trying to fix something that was already broken," he told her, his voice softening.

"It's not broken, El," she said, shaking her head. "You can fix…"

"I tried!" he scoffed. "So fucking hard, but…I realized that I don't want to try anymore. I'm all tried out, I don't know what else to do." He breathed once and then looked at her again. "Tonight, I saw a different side of you. One I should have seen long ago, one that my kids know and love, one that I have only just met and already..." He cleared his throat, not willing to finish that thought. "I've been missing a part of you, losing you, and I can't handle that. Just, please, tell me I haven't lost my chance to get you back, the way I think…the way I hope I'm getting my kids back. You're pretty much all I have, now. All that matters, anyway. I need to know…I need you to tell me that we're okay. That I still have you."

Olivia opened her mouth, unsure of what to say, if she should even say anything. She was saved from trying by a yell from Dickie.

"Earth to Liv!" the kid shouted. "Ground Control to Detective Stabler! Can you hear me, Dad? You two wanna get a move on? I'd like to play this game before I graduate! College!"

Elliot, through his slow tears, laughed loudly. "God, he's amazimg. All of them, they…they're amazing," he said, looking at his son.

"Yeah," Olivia said, pulling her hand out of his. "They really are. You did good." She nodded as she got off of the bleachers, walking toward the gate to the field.

"Liv!" Elliot yelled, standing, stopping her in her tracks. "Please…just…tell me."

Olivia froze for a moment. "Yeah," she said, nodding. "We're fine, El. You still got me." She gave him a small, slightly confused smile, then turned to head toward the kids.

Elliot stepped down, following her, and he sighed as he watched her pick up a bat, tap the end of her shoes with it, and start swinging with a playful look in her eyes.

He had her, she had just reassured him. The more he watched her with his kids, the more he realized what she'd done for them, the more one other thing became clear. He didn't have her where he wanted her. At least, not yet.

As he smirked and walked onto the field, standing behind her and ready to catch the ball if she missed, he promised himself that he would. As soon as he could. He watched with wide eyes as she hit the ball and sent it flying, and his eyes followed her around the bases. He grinned when she ran home and his oldest daughter hugged her, and his heart thudded. He knew he was prepared to fight for what he wanted if he had to, and he would definitely have to.

**A/N: Mike and Elliot meet next, and it causes a large hitch in Elliot's plan. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Olivia finds out what its like to have someone fight for her. Really.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to TStabler©**

Elliot walked into the squad room, his normally bright, blue eyes now grey and almost hollow. He wasn't smiling, not even the barest smirk on his lips, and he had a bit of a five o'clock shadow, which seemed out of place at six in the morning.

Olivia looked up at him and bit her lip. This was his insomniac look, the signs he had not slept at all were clear, and even more apparent were the signs that he didn't care about anything as he prepared to leave his house.

He didn't shave, his suit jacket didn't match his pants, and his tie was crooked.

"Are you okay?" Fin's voice called, meeting Elliot's exhausted ears.

Elliot turned, nodding without thinking, with no real feeling behind it. "Fine," he said, opening and closing his mouth a bit, smacking his lips. Clearly, he didn't brush his teeth either. He grimaced at the sour taste in his mouth, and he marched toward the coffee pot. "What have we got so far?" he asked, aiming the question over his shoulder at Olivia.

She was worried, hesitating a bit, but said, "Jackson is coming in for questioning. He lawyered up. Langan. Go figure."

Elliot scoffed as he down the contents of his cup in one gulp. "Wonderful. Just what I need today." He poured a second cup, and Olivia noticed he was leaving it black, and swallowed it back.

"Easy there, Stabler," Munch said. "You, of all people, should take it easy with that. It's high-octane swill."

Elliot scratched his scruffy chin. "I had a rough night," he said, pouring cup number three and walking back to his desk. He sat with a sigh, taking a sip and obviously not meeting Olivia's worried eyes.

She was used to his moods, and she knew silent submission was the only way to deal with him when he got like this. She knew this side of him well, the one that told her he had an amazing fight with his wife and was sentenced to a night on a lumpy couch.

She shook her head, stood, and walked toward her locker. She opened it with a sigh, grabbing an unopened package of disposable razors, a tube of toothpaste, her pink and white toothbrush, and a tiny bottle of mouthwash. She nudged the locker closed with her elbow, shot Elliot a soft look, and dropped the items from her arms to his desk. "Go," she said.

He looked at the surface of his desk, raised an eyebrow, then finally allowed himself to look up at her. The corners of his lips turned up slightly as he scooped up the life-saving toiletries, and he nodded at her as he headed for the bathroom.

She sighed and folded her arms, shaking her head. It wasn't the smile she was hoping for, but she knew from experience she wouldn't be getting one today. She bit her lip in thought, then, wondering what it was that had been said, what had happened, and if what he said at the ballpark was true. Was his failing marriage finally over? She closed her eyes, ashamed at being so hopeful about something so awful.

She sat back down at her desk, picking up the files she'd been reading in preparation for the interrogation heading her way, and she pushed all personal and impure thoughts of her partner to the back of her mind. He was her partner, nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. "Shit," she hissed, falling back into her chair. Even when she told the lie to herself, she didn't believe it.

* * *

Elliot walked into the interrogation room, clean shaven and minty fresh, tugging on his tie which he'd obviously just re-knotted. "Johnson," he said with a smug grin.

"Jackson," the perp and his scumbag lawyer said together.

He shrugged. "Whatever," he said as he folded his arms and sat on the edge of the table. He looked down at Olivia, sitting in a chair less than four inches from him, He ignored the lavender-vanilla scent wafting up from her and he asked, "Did I miss anything good?"

She caught his eyes and smirked a bit as she clicked the retractable pen in her hands over and over again. "Just the constant invocation of his fifth amendment rights."

Elliot grunted and looked back at Jackson. "Has your lawyer told you that you're not getting any kind of a deal if you keep your mouth shut that tight? Deals only work when you cooperate, give us what we want and you get what you want. That's how this works."

Olivia leaned over and her eyes glimmered as she said, "We're putting five to ten on the table, instead of fifteen to twenty, if you just tell us what happened that night with Marley."

Jackson narrowed his eyes. "I didn't do shit, man. And I'll be damned if I take the fall for my..." he shut up, pounded his fist against the table.

"Oh," Elliot said, making a face, "So you know who did it, and you know they're blaming it all on you. If I were you, I would be pissed, man. I wouldn't be protecting them if they threw me under the bus like that."

Langan, annoyed, looked at his client and nodded. "You'd better tell them, then I can get you out of here and home in time for dinner," he mumbled, pulling on his jacket.

Jackson coughed and looked up at Elliot. "My brother, man. He did it, he told me everything, then he tipped off the fuckin' cops after I help him out of the city, tells them it was me. Shit, man, blood is supposed to look out for blood!"

Olivia slid the pen in her hand over to Jackson, along with a yellow notebook. "Tell us everything, and tell us where to find him, and you're off the hook." She bit her lips and said, "And some advice. Sometimes, the people you're bound to by blood are the ones who are quickest to hurt you. Family...family isn't necessarily blood." She shot Elliot a quick look, catching the knowing gaze in his eyes, and she rose from her chair and headed for the door.

Elliot watched her leave, without stopping her, and he sighed. "We'll need his full name," he said, staying focused, professional, despite the very personal pounding in his chest.

Satisfied with the written statement, he grabbed the notebook, nodded once at both Jackson and Langan, and left the interrogation room. He took a breath and let it out slowly as he walked out of the pit and into the squad room, but he stopped short, losing his breath completely, when he saw something that terrified him.

He saw Olivia, smiling brightly as she leaned against her desk, talking to a man that had very obviously just brought her flowers. He took another breath and walked over, plastering on the fakest, most arrogant smile he could. "You bothering my partner, pal?"

Olivia looked at him, her smile fading slightly. "Oh, uh, El, this is Mike. Mike, this is..."

"I know who he is," Mike said, holding out his hand with an attitude. "So, you're Elliot. She talks about you a lot. She spends a lot of time with you, and your kids. Come to think of it, I know more about you than I do about her. Funny, right?"

"Mike," Olivia said, a warning in her voice.

Mike looked at her. "Right, sorry." He finished shaking Elliot's hand and folded his arms.

"So, you're Mike," Elliot said through a forced grin. "Can't say I know a damn thing about you, actually. What are you doing here in the middle of the day? We're on a case so..."

Mike looked at Elliot with disdain as he interrupted. "I just stopped by to tell Livvie that I understand her commitment to her job and her friends, and if she wants to try to go out again, tonight, I'd be honored." He looked at Olivia and smiled. "Very honored."

"Livvie?" Elliot scoffed. The jealousy came faster than he anticipated, and before he could think, he spoke. "Yeah, well, Livvie and I have a pretty rough night ahead of us, but if she..."

"I think she can speak for herself, pal," Mike spat, cutting him off.

Elliot, fuming now, said, "And I think she made herself perfectly clear when she told you it wasn't gonna work between you!"

"Oh, is that what she told you she told me?" Mike hissed, then he chuckled. "Her excuse to me was more along the lines of 'My partner is an absentee father and I have to be available twenty-four-seven to bail his kids out of whatever shit they're in!"

"Oh, you son of a..." before he could finish speaking, his fist was flying toward Mike's face.

"Hey!" Olivia yelled, stepping between them. "Both of you! Knock it off! I didn't say any of that shit to either of you about anything, so can you have your little pissing contest without getting any on me?"

Elliot looked at her first, an apology in her eyes. "Liv, I..."

"I don't wanna hear it," she spat at him as Mike hunched over, his face buried in his hands. "Just...go. Go...somewhere else, okay? I need five minutes with him."

Elliot's heart shattered. He nodded, figuring he's lost her before he even had her, and he tugged on his tie and his jacket as he straightened up and walked up the steps toward the bunkroom.

He slammed the door shut behind him, threw off his jacket, and punched the wall as his nostrils flared and he grunted. He knew he'd made a good sized hole in the wall, but he didn't care. It felt damn good.

He pulled his balled-up fist out of the shattered plaster and slumped on the nearest bed, shaking his head as he dropped it into his hands. "Mother fucker," he mumbled. He was trying to get his heart to slow down, trying to breathe deeply enough to relax.

Closing his eyes, biting his lip, he let the rage and jealousy roll away, allowing it to be replaced with the most depressing feeling he'd ever felt.

"You wanna tell me what the hell is wrong with you today?"

He looked up, shocked. He didn't hear the door open, he didn't hear it close, and he didn't hear her footsteps as she walked toward him. He was speechless as he looked at her, and all he could do is shrug.

"You broke his nose," she said, sitting down on the bed across from him. "What the hell went on down there, Elliot?"

He shrugged again. He sighed again. "You think I'm an absentee father?" he asked softly, looking up at her.

"I told you I never said that," she said just as softly. "You know I would never say that. That was all him. You did it, too, ya know. You both went after each other, putting me in the middle, and I didn't appreciate that."

He nodded and dropped his hands to the mattress. "I know, I...I'm sorry, I don't know why..."

"What happened?" she asked, leaning forward.

"I just told you," he said. "I don't know."

She shook her head. "Not with Mike. What happened last night? You haven't slept, you look like shit, El. What happened?"

He looked up at her and cleared his throat. "Thanks for the stuff," he said, ignoring her. "I put it all back in your locker."

"El," she said, taking a chance and resting a hand on his knee, "Talk to me."

He looked down, at her hand over his knee, cupping it, touching it, the most intimate contact they'd had, aside from a hug or two in a moment of relief after a rough case or near death experience. But they always chose to ignore those moments, pretend they never happened. He couldn't ignore this.

She moved her thumb back and forth a bit, prodding him. "Please, just tell me," she whispered.

"We're spending the majority of our night tonight alone," he said, his eyes closing again. "Figuring out which one of us is leaving."

She moved her hand off of his knee as a lump formed in her suddenly dry throat. "You and me?" she asked, scared.

"God, no," he said, shaking his head and looking into her eyes. "Me and Kathy," he told her. "I called a lawyer this morning, papers are being drawn up, it's...a mutual decision."

Her heart stopped. "Oh," she said as the color drained from her face. "I'm...I'm sorry, El."

He shook his head and sniffled. "Don't be," he said, "I was ready for this. Just...not really ready for everything that comes along with it."

She nodded and licked her lips, eyeing him for a moment. "I'm here," she said, "If you need me. If you need anything, I mean. You and the kids, anytime, no matter what."

He chuckled and said, "Wouldn't want to interrupt another date with Mike."

"Oh, please," she groaned. "After what he said to you, the is not gonna happen. Besides, he only came by because he wants...well, like I told you, it would have been our third date."

He looked up at her and honesty won over decorum. "He's an asshole, Liv. You're worth waiting for, and any man who knows what it is that he's really got when he's got you would not hold you to that stupid clichéd rule."

She tilted her head, feeling nervous and scared and just a bit hopeful. "And what, exactly, do you think it is that someone's got when he's got me?"

"Everything," he whispered. "Absolutely everything." He met her eyes, she was looking into his, he moved closer, and she was coming toward him, no one blinked, no one breathed.

Their lips were just a hair away from each other's, when her cell phone shrilled into the tense silence, making them both jump backward.

Elliot ran a hand down his face, wondering what had just happened, not believing what had almost passed between them, as Olivia answered the call.

"Benson," she said, her eyes still on Elliot, curious. "What? Honey, I can't hear you, where are you?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "Oh, my God! Okay, no, we...we'll be right there. Of course, I'm bringing your father, I...it'll be fine Katie, I promise, just hang on."

"Katie?" he asked, worried. "What happened?"

She stood and headed out, knowing he was behind her. "Munch, call a bus, have them meet us at Trinity Prep. Cap, I got a call, Kathleen needs Elliot and I..."

"Go," he said, knowing it was important.

"Someone tell me what the hell is happening with my daughter!" Elliot yelled, panicked.

"Nothing," Olivia said, turning to him. "She called me because two boys locked themselves in one of the bathrooms, and they've got a girl in there...El, they..."

"Got it," he said, "Go." He grabbed his keys and followed Olivia out of the bullpen toward the elevator. "And they still call you first," he said, dejected, stepping into the lift.

Olivia sighed. "They need time, El," she said. "We all do." She looked at him, then, and she smirked. "What are you gonna do about the hole up in the cribs?"

He chuckled, rubbing his forehead. "It's just a hole," he shrugged. "We can patch it up. If you're a good partner, you'll help me." He wagged his eyebrows and grinned at her.

She turned to him as the doors opened. "El," she sighed, serious, "When have ever not helped you patch up the holes you made?"

He looked into her eyes, seeing the deep meaning behind her words, and that was the moment he knew what he'd been feeling for the last few days, he realized what all of the confusion, fear, doubt, exhilaration, hope, and joy all meant.

He just hoped that, when she realized he realized it, she'd stay.

**A/N: Elliot makes an attempt to thank Olivia. Does he botch it up? And as he tries to put his feelings into words, an interruption changes things. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A very interesting, and slightly awkward, moment of gratitude.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Elliot pulled the latex glove off of his hand and tossed it into the bin as he walked through the doors of Trinity Prep. He couldn't shake the feeling of the almost-kiss he'd shared with Olivia, and ignoring it so he could do his job to the best of his ability was aggravating him. "That sucked," he said, exhaling harshly as he watched the ambulance pull away.

Olivia hummed, agreeing as she watched a uniformed officer put one of the teenaged boys into the back of a squad car with a look of solemnity on her face. "Yeah," she whispered. "It always sucks."

"I had to watch my kids…I had to watch them witness all of this," he said, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "This is the kind of shit I have been working so hard to shield them from and I couldn't…they fucking called you! Not me! So…"

"Katie told you why she called me, El," Olivia interrupted. "She gave you the biggest hug when you walked in there, so you know she loves…"

He cut her off with a cough. "I know," he said. "She loves me. They all love me. They have to, I'm their father. But they don't like me. They like you."

"They like you, El," she said, trying to sound more convincing than patronizing. She studied him for a moment, then narrowed her eyes and looked at him severely. "Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" he questioned, stepping off the stairs. "Complain?"

"No," Olivia said with a sigh, following him. "This job. You know my reasons, which are pretty damned good. You always just told me it was a sex thing, but there has to be…"

"The same reason you do it," he said suddenly. He was biting his lip as he reached for the handle of the maroon sedan. "Not personally, but…I honestly believe that sex should be special, meaningful. To have that experience turned into something gut-wrenching, something painful and traumatic, especially if it's somebody's mother, or daughter, I…" he shook his head and got into the car.

Olivia sighed, getting into the passenger seat, letting it go. "You hungry?"

"You know I am," Elliot replied with a small grin. "You?"

"I could eat," she said with a smirk.

He laughed and shook his head, pulling out of the spot in the school's lot and headed toward a deli they often went to together. "When aren't you hungry?" he teased. "You can eat, baby, really. And drink." He licked his lips and said, "How about I take you to lunch, think of it as me finally thanking you for what you did for my kids. Well, one of the 'thank yous' I owe you."

"Sounds great," she said with a laugh. She raised an eyebrow at him, then, realizing something. "Baby?" she said, both eyebrows high.

"Oh, sorry, uh," he babbled. "Just…yeah…baby. I don't see why I can't call you that. That asshole gets to call you 'Livvie,' so I can call you, 'baby.' What the hell is that? Livvie?" He scoffed and rolled his eyes again.

She furrowed her brow and chuckled. "You sound jealous."

He pulled the car over, shocking her, and parked with a screech. "I am," he admitted. "I don't know why. I know I don't have any right to be, and I know you don't…even if I told you…"

"Told me what?" she asked. "Slow down, breathe. What?"

He let out another slow breath, looked at her, and very slowly, almost sadly, said, "That I think…maybe I…I might be falling…" He nudged the gear shift and grunted, driving again. "Never mind."

Olivia was curious, a bit scared, and certain she knew what he was going to say. She turned her head and looked out the window, trying to decide if it was a risk she was willing to take, or if he wanted to take it with her.

"Liv," he said softly, "I'm sorry. Really. I just…I can't tell you. Not yet. I don't think I can." He parked again, in front of the deli, and turned the car off.

"You can tell me anything, El," she replied. "But I know how hard it can be to talk to me. How hard it is sometimes, for me to talk to you. I know." She was out of the car before he could look at her.

"Damn it," he scoffed to himself, rushing to catch up to her. He ran into the restaurant and strode to her side, grabbing her arm. "It's easy to talk to you," he said, out of breath. "It is so damned easy, but what I have to tell you, Liv…I just…"

"Order? Need to take order!" the man behind the counter barked, his heavy Polish accent singing with the word.

Olivia turned, glared at the man, and said, "You have bad timing, Gus. Two hot pastrami, one order of fries." She turned back toward Elliot, a question in her eyes.

He shook his head again, the confliction of emotions and thoughts swirling around, making him nauseous. "This is hard," he confessed, closing his eyes.

"Just say it, El," she said, irritated now. "You hate me, you want a new partner, you're changing your mind about Kathy, what?"

"No, Liv, I…" he began, but his sentence was cut off with the shrill ring of his cell phone. "God damn it," he spat, digging the device out of his pocket.

Olivia rolled her eyes, then turned to pay Polish Gus for the sandwiches as she waited for Elliot to take the call.

"Yeah," she heard him say. "Right. We're on the way." She looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Cap," he said, shaking the phone a bit before putting it back in his pocket. "We gotta go down to Mercy. The girl wants to talk."

She sighed and put the pickle in her hand back on the plate. "Guess lunch is gonna have to wait," she said, grabbing Gus's attention and asking him to wrap their food to go.

"Yeah, Liv," he said, sadly. "Everything is gonna have to wait."

He watched her take the brown paper package from Gus, then gently laid his hand on the small of her back as he led her out of the deli. Something felt so right about it, but he couldn't shake the feeling that it would lead to something very wrong.

**A/N: Does he finally tell her how he feels? Will she respond? And what do the kids have to say? And Kathy and Elliot have a chat! Next! Review here or on Twitter: TMG212. (sorry this chapter is so short. I am going through some pretty personal and emotional stuff, and inspiration as well as time to write has been lacking. I will be more present now, I hope. Thank you for sticking with me, guys.) **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Another thank you, and another apology, ending with a mutual acceptance.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters are owned by Dick Wolf. Story belongs to TStabler©**

"I think I need another drink," Elliot said, sliding his empty bottle to the bartender. "What the hell happened today?"

Olivia sipped her beer and hummed as she swallowed. "We got screwed over by Trevor Langan. Again. Fucking douchebag."

"It was rhetorical," he said, his words slightly slurred. "This whole day has been absolute shit." He nodded at the man behind the bar as he took his sixth beer. "From the moment I got up this morning, it's been one fucking shit-storm after another."

Olivia watched him drink, watched the wave of his Adam's apple as he chugged. "Slow down, El," she said as he let out a refreshed gasp. "Really, you shouldn't..."

He scoffed. "Don't try to save me, Liv. You got your hands full already," he said, sounding agitated. "You're too busy saving my kids."

"Fuck, is that what this is about?" she asked, stunned and slightly hurt. "I did it for you, you son of a bitch." She moved to get off the stool and said, "Find another way home, I'm not taking your drunk ass..."

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. His eyes closed and he shook his head. "So sorry, I just...stay? Please? I'm not mad at you, I'm..."

"Frustrated? Hurt?" she asked, sitting back down. She mentally noted the hold he had on her, her willingness to forgive his every fault so easily. Her eagerness to give into him and crawl back to him. "I know, El. You don't think I resent you just a little, too?"

"Me? What the hell did..."

"I lost what was probably the best shot I had a real relationship because I had to go play Supergirl for your kids," she said, leaning into him a bit. "Now, I'm not saying I'm sorry. I'm not. I love them, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. The thing is, I'm not their mother, so I..."

"You should have been," he said quickly, cutting her off. He scoffed again and raised his beer to his lips, savoring the bitter brew this time.

She furrowed her brow. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What did it sound like?" he asked, licking his lips and sliding the bottle down the bar.

Olivia held up a hand to the bartender. "Give him a ten minute time out, would ya?" she yelled to him. She turned back to Elliot and shook her head. "You're shit-faced, aren't you? Off-your-ass-drunk, because there's no way you..."

"What if it had been you?" he asked, interrupting her again. "In high school, at that party. What if it was you?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "I'd hate you," she said. "I would have never gone to college, never made it into the academy, I wouldn't be your partner. I wouldn't be sitting here playing the world's most awkward game of 'What-If."

"We'd be happy, though," he said, his grimace turning into a grin. "You would have never...Kathy called. She just kept yelling, blaming me for everything that had gone wrong, complaining about you and how I have a problem with being intimate with her because I'm hung up on you, yelling about how she thinks I was only trying to save our marriage because you wouldn't give me..." He stopped himself, realizing what he was saying. "If it was you, this wouldn't be happening, it would all be..."

"El," she said, stopping him this time, "If it was me, we'd be just like you and Kathy. That would have changed everything."

He looked at her for a moment, sobering up a bit as he realized she was right. "I would never want that," he said firmly.

"Neither would I," she said with a shudder.

"That's what almost happened," he said, realizing something. "If I didn't snap out of it, if I just kept trying to make her happy and letting the kids take the backseat to everything else, then you would have just kept...you'd hate me."

She sighed and took a sip of her beer. "I could never hate you. I have tried, El, and failed. Trust me it would all be easier if I hated you."

He chuckled. "Life would have been a breeze for the last couple of years if I hated you, too, ya know." He sighed and scratched his chin. "Guess we fucked everything up by getting too close."

"Guess so," she said, smiling at him.

"I wouldn't change it," he told her. "Not for anything in the world."

She felt her heart flutter, and she smirked. "Neither would I," she said. "You, uh, you've been trying to tell me something all day. You think you're drunk enough to tell me now?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Nowhere near it," he laughed. "But maybe that's a good thing." He caught her eyes and said, "I want you to hear this, knowing I'm fully aware that I'm saying it."

She was scared now, but she took a deep breath and dropped her hands, now sweating, to her knees. She discreetly wiped them on her pants, then turned to Elliot. "So tell me."

He bit his lip as he looked into her eyes. He went silent, seeming to lose himself in her gaze. "I never noticed that before," he said to himself more than her. "Which is odd because I notice everything about you these days and I...well, maybe that's why I'm noticing it now."

"What are you talking about, Drunky?" she asked, her sarcasm and humor building up a wall around her. She could always count on her defense.

He raised a finger and pointed to her left eye. "You have a freckle or something...on your eye."

She shot a hand up to her eyes and tried to think of something to say. "It's not a freckle," she said, which is the opposite of what she was telling herself. She dropped her hand and sighed, figuring she had to tell him now. "God, it's been there forever and no one has ever pointed it out. I've had boyfriends who've never noticed it."

"So what is it?" he asked, curious.

"A scar," she said, biting her lip. Her hands moved to her beer bottle, she slowly picked at the label and tried not to think too hard about it as she spoke. "Doctor said I was lucky, I could have gone blind in that eye if she'd..."

"She?" he broke in. "Your mother?"

Olivia nodded, peeling a strip of the sticker down. "She threw me into a mirror, head first. I was covered in blood, had cuts all over my head and my cheek, and the tiniest bit went into my eye. I was so scared that I pulled it out without even thinking, and it nicked the side of my eye." She shrugged. "Water under the bridge, as they say."

"Jesus Christ," he said softly, moving closer. He placed a hand on her lower back, rubbing in slow, gentle circles. "How could anyone...I mean, I know we see it every day, but...and you are amazing with kids. You're so natural, nurturing, you have this incredible maternal instinct that..."

"Thanks," she said, laughing and rolling her eyes. "Stop that, please."

He smiled at her. "I know," he said. "I'm sorry. I guess I just realized that you've been mothering my kids, that's the word for it. I just wish there was more I could say, or do. Thank you just isn't..."

"You can tell me what you're avoiding telling me," she said, turning to face him fully. They were inches from each other. She didn't know where her bravado was coming from, but she was going to use it to its fullest. "Tell me that it wasn't just my imagination, that we almost kissed at the ballpark. Tell me you weren't lying to me when you said..."

"I've never lied to you," he told her. He wished he could stop interrupting her but they just had a way of knowing what each other was going to say, so there was no point in letting the words come out. "And...I think we did. Almost kiss." He took another breath and moved his hand from her back to her right knee, cupping it. "Liv, I don't know what's going on here, with you, with me...us...but I know I'm not gonna fight it," he said, the severity in his eyes deep.

She swallowed hard, poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue, and looked back at him just as deliberately. "What's going on with us?"

He moved his hand up, just an inch. He gulped, then he moved his face closer to hers, just an inch. "I told you, I don't know." He shook his head and moved another tiny inch. "But I know that I am not going to almost kiss you now. I'm really gonna do it."

She held her breath, knowing never to call his bluff, and she remained still, knowing the move was his to make and to complete. "Are you?" she asked, her voice just the barest of whispers as her breath sped up.

He nodded, moving closer, and a smile played along his lips. "You gonna stop me?"

"Should I?" she asked, her nerves very clear as she remained rigid and looking him in the eyes, not moving at all.

"You can," he whispered to her, his breath hitting her lips and nose, the smell of hot beer and pretzels wafting up and filling her lungs.

She didn't mind. "So can you," she told him, mentally screaming at him to rip the Band-Aid off and kiss her. He was stalling, he was giving her time to run, and if he waited any longer she would run fast.

"I won't," he said, sliding his hand another inch up her leg, to the beginning of her thigh. He squeezed as if he were making certain she was really there. "But I want you to want this, I don't want this to be..."

"El," she chimed in, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled from low in his belly and he moved that final inch, pressing his lips to hers. She jerked back for a moment, scaring him, but then he felt her sink into it, and he slid her hand up her thigh. Then down, then back up. He moved his other hand to the back of her neck, holding her there as if she would move.

She was troubled. Conflicted. Her mind was racing, but so was her heart. She moaned a bit as he slid his tongue along the seam of her closed, kissing lips. She was stunned into parting them.

He took that as an invitation, and was awestruck. She didn't back up, she didn't hit him, she was returning his kiss. He moaned when her tongue glided over his, massaged it, melted into it. He gave the back of her neck a soft squeeze and slowed his kiss, pulling away from her for air. He pecked her lips softly, then slowly opened his eyes.

She was looking at him, her eyes somehow brighter and clearer, and she said, "That definitely was not almost kissing."

He chuckled. "No," he said with a shake of his head. "You wanna get outta here? Talk about this?"

She licked her lips and swallowed, then nodded. She knew the idea of what she had to tell him, but she had no idea what to say.

**A/N: A little less conversation? A little more action? A bit of both? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: (Note: Characters are substantially younger, as will be evident in the next chapter, but many of their experiences remain the same.) Silence is what fills the gaps between painful conversation. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

She was sitting on her couch, feeling uncomfortable in her own apartment. She exhaled, recalling the last ten minutes, wondering what they were leading to. She'd opened the door and walked to her bedroom. She changed into light pants and a tee-shirt, aware that he was watching her from the doorway, doing nothing to stop him, and she pulled her hair up into a loose ponytail before leading him to the living room. Now she sat beside him, watching him, waiting for him to say something.

She remembered the kiss. Her lips still stung and his taste was still in her mouth. They were here to talk about it, but so far there was just a lot of staring. "Well," she said with a soft breath.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Uh, so…I kissed you."

"I kissed you back," she said, biting the inside of her right cheek.

He chuckled and sighed, leaning closer to her, and he said, "Everything you have done…everything you are…I just…" he paused, shook his head, and said, "I don't know."

"That's not gonna help us, is it?" she asked, drawing her knees up to her chest.

There was a moment of silence again, he drummed his fingers along the back of the couch, he bit his lip. Finally, he spoke. "When Kathleen got into trouble, you went out of your way to help her. You talked to my mother, you got her a lawyer, you dragged me down there to see her, and then you went to see her without me." He let out a soft laugh and said, "You know what Kathy did?"

Olivia shook her head, wondering why she was being lectured.

"She made hot cocoa," Elliot said. "Kathleen doesn't even like chocolate." He leaned back and looked up at the ceiling then. "When Maureen got detention for a week for cutting class, I had to be the one to yell at her, you were the one that called the school to explain…" he stopped again. "Kathy fucking made hot cocoa." He squeezed the bridge of his nose and said, "How does a mother stand by and do nothing like that? How could she…like hot chocolate was just gonna make everything better!"

Olivia bit her lip, letting him rant. She couldn't imagine what he was going through, what he was feeling. She simply shrugged and said, "Maybe that's all her mother did."

He laughed. "If every woman took after her mother, Liv, you would be…you would be nothing like what you are. That's the point I'm trying to make. They're not even your kids and you've been amazing, and I've been too fucking blind to notice it all happening, to see the reasons behind it."

She dropped her legs, relaxing a bit now, and rested a hand on his shoulder. "El, stop. Okay, I get it. You're pissed off at your wife, and you don't wanna make any more mistakes. Sitting here yelling, that kiss, how is this all going to…"

"I'm trying to tell you something," he interrupted, sitting up straight now. He looked at her, he tugged her hand into his, and he slid his thumb over her knuckles. "I need to say this, before I let anything else happen between us." He took a deep breath and he looked into her eyes. "I don't want you to think that kiss was my way of thanking you. I'm not just trying to repay you by…"

She laughed. "God, El, I can read you better than that," she said, shaking her head. "I know it wasn't. I know…you meant it. I could tell."

"Good," he said, swallowing hard and nodding. "I don't know what to do with this," he said, lifting their joined hands, referring to their newly discovered feelings. "I haven't had to worry about flirting or dating in eighteen years, and this is…you are too important to me. I can't screw this up."

She raised an eyebrow and scooted closer to him. "I think I'm the one who's gonna do that, so you don't have to worry." She licked her lips, looking away from him for a moment before turning to face him again. "I suck at this, you know that. So…maybe we just…don't try."

His eyes widened and he squeezed her hand, pulling her closer to him. "Liv, I thought you wanted…"

She stopped him. "I mean, we don't try, El. We just let things happen. Don't plan, don't fight it, don't overthink it." She shrugged, shaking her head. "That's how every relationship I've had failed, that's what ended your marriage. Thinking too much, trying too hard. I don't think…I'm pretty sure we don't have to…"

He pressed his lips to hers softly, silencing her. He pulled away meeting her shocked face. "Like that?"

She nodded, biting her lip. "Yeah," she said, searching his eyes for any sign of doubt or regret.

"Come here," he whispered with a smirk, and he saw her smile as she moved closer to him. Their lips met, and he moaned, a satisfied and relieved sound. He looped a hand around her neck, caressing her skin as he deepened the kiss, unable to fully convince himself he was kissing Olivia.

As if she could read his mind, she pushed him away and let out a soft yelp. "I cannot believe this," she said, turning away from him, pulling her hand out of his. She shook her head and looked toward her kitchen, nervous and shaking. "I am sitting on my couch, kissing you. You. Elliot Stabler. My partner. My friend. This is…this isn't supposed to happen."

"Well, it's happening," he whispered, reaching for her. He held her chin in his hand and turned her head toward him. He looked into her eyes again, he smiled, and he said, "It's happening, Liv. We both want this, right? You do. I do. What's so wrong about this?"

She blinked hard, swallowed, and said, "I just never thought…I never thought it would." She closed her eyes and dropped her head to his. "I always thought you'd be with Kathy and I'd have to watch you…" she stopped, not willing to let him hear her innermost thoughts yet. "It's scaring the shit out of me, you know that?"

He laughed and nodded, their foreheads rubbing together gently. "I know. I'm scared, too. We're risking a lot, but…I think we're gonna be okay."

She looked up at him, suddenly. A concerned and slightly awed expression took over her face. "Did she sign them?"

"Sign…what?" he asked, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Kathy," she said, moving away from him. "Divorce papers."

Elliot closed his eyes and sunk into the couch, sighing. "I haven't…she left, okay? She's gone, but I…I filed yesterday. Papers won't be drawn up until Friday. She'll sign them, I know she will."

Olivia narrowed her eyes, taking what she thought would be her change to get out of trouble before she got deeper into it. "So, what, you thought I'd be your…"

"I thought I'd tell you how I felt before I lost the nerve," he spat, talking over her. "I would never expect you be, nor would I ever want you to be the other woman. All right? She's gone, we're definitely separated, and there's no way we're getting back together. Liv, I want you. Not just physically…and trust me I definitely physically want you, but I want you to be there for me…like you're there for my kids. Love me, like you love them."

She blinked, her sad eyes turned up to meet his hopeful ones and she brightened. "El, I love your kids because I love you. I thought you knew that."

He moved fast, urged by her words, capturing her lips in a heated kiss. He moved, his hands running up and down her back, warming her skin. He moaned as he pulled her toward him, he let out a light growl as she moved onto his lap, and they sunk further into the couch.

It wasn't what either of them thought their conversation would lead to, but more was said in the spans of silence, their kisses speaking volumes louder than anything they'd said to each other. He pulled his face away from hers, gasping as air filled his desperate, aching lungs. "Liv," he panted, moaning as he felt her roll her hips against his. "God, Liv, I love you. I do. I love you. Please, don't doubt that."

She stilled, and she smiled, and she kissed him softly. Her heart was beating rapidly, she was sure he could feel it as she pressed against his chest. "Je t'adore," she whispered against his lips. "Je t'adore de tout mon couer."

Elliot kissed her again, smirking. "I don't know what the hell you just said, but it was beautiful."

She chuckled, kissing him again, running her hands over his chest. She felt that, though she had said it once, it was much easier to say she loved him in French. She wasn't fully convinced she should let herself feel anything too strongly just yet. She was still trying hard to believe that he was there, and she was kissing him, she was feeling him grow hard beneath him, and that it wasn't a dream. It would take some getting used to, but she would have to get used to it fast if she was going to get used to it at all. Time to decide was something they weren't going to be given too much of.

**A/N: Elliot is faced with a choice, and his kids help him make it. And Olivia's decision will be firm, too. Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Taking huge steps, sometimes, makes you trip over your own feet.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

It was a morning unlike any other, for her. She woke up smiling, breathing easier it seemed. She showered and dressed, for the first time in a long time she didn't dread walking into the squad room. For the first time in a while, she didn't have to hide something from him about his kids, or harbor deep-seeded jealousy or resentment.

She walked out of her building, down the street, looking at the city with brighter, clearer eyes. She kept a quick pace, reaching her destination, and stopped to get two cups of coffee from the cart in front of the station. She took a deep breath and walked up the steps, but stopped before she opened the door.

She quirked an eyebrow at her own thoughts, letting the reality and the gravity of her current situation truly sink in. What happens now, she wondered, biting her lip. She didn't know if he really wanted this to evolve, she didn't know what happened when he went home last night, she didn't know if he had decided she was too big of a risk, that his family and his job were more important. Which they were, if you asked her.

She rolled her eyes as the nerves that usually accompanied her short bursts of happiness crept into her mind and her heart. She opened the door with a sigh, walked through the lobby in a much less chipper mood, and slammed her elbow into the elevator button.

"Something wrong, Benson?" a cool voice behind her asked, and she could hear the smirk on his face before she even turned around.

"No," she said with a huff. "I'm just fine, Langan." She sipped the coffee that she'd claimed as her own, and she eyed him suspiciously when he followed her into the elevator. "What the hell do you want now? You want to ruin my next case?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "Actually, I'm here to help you this time. Is a little professional courtesy too much to ask?"

"From you?" she scoffed, grinning. "Yes, actually." She stepped in front of him and marched off of the lift, down the hallway, to the squad room. She rolled her eyes as he followed her and she, perhaps, moved her hips with a bit more purpose. She hated him, but knew he had a soft spot for her.

She walked into the bullpen, breezed by Elliot without seeing him, placing the second cup of coffee on his desk, and sat in her chair. "Enlighten me," she said, looking up at Trevor Langan, who had stopped walking when she sat down. "How are you here to help?"

Trevor handed her a file. "I think you want this, before it falls into the wrong hands," he said, looking pointedly at her. "I know it's late, you asked for this a long time ago, but it was at the bottom of…"

"Shut up," she interrupted, flipping the folder open and scanning the papers inside. "Jesus, Trevor, I could kiss you!"

Trevor smirked. "Ready when you are," he said, tugging on his tie.

"She's not kissing you," Elliot spat, alerting the both of them that he was, in fact, in the room. He looked at Olivia and his lips tightened. "You're not kissing him," he said with more authority.

She looked up at him, her smile a seductive yet sneaky one. "Not unless I want to go burn my lips off, no. I'm not." She bit her lip and looked back down at the file. "Thank you, Lang…Trevor. Really."

"Hey," Trevor said, sighing, "I'm not really a bad guy, Olivia. I really wish you could get that through…"

"Don't you have any rocks to turn over to find some new clients, Langan?" Elliot asked, the irritation in his voice clear.

Trevor turned and glared at Elliot as he spoke, aiming his words at Olivia. "Maybe the real scumbag is your partner, ever think of that?" He looked back at her, nodded a silent goodbye, and he walked out of the squad room, shaking his head.

Elliot leaned forward. "Okay. What the hell was that all about and why were you making nice with that fucker?"

She chuckled and closed the file, putting it in her desk. "He just did me a favor, that's all." She sighed, sipped her coffee, and looked at him. "So, uh, last night…"

"You regret it, don't you?" he asked softly, his voice sounding expectant but sad.

She narrowed her eyes. "You would only think that if you did," she said, hating that her bit of doubt had grown to fully fledged disbelief.

He picked his head up and looked at her with wide eyes. "What? No! God, no, I…I was up most of the night talking to…well, myself mostly, but Dickie was up. He had a lot to say about this."

She ran a hand through her hair, and she let out another long sigh. "Great," she said, "So we're back where we started, then."

He narrowed one eye and smirked. "You think he's upset about this?"

"He's your son," she said, playing with the plastic flip top lid on her coffee. "He just watched his mother walk out, he's dealing with being in the middle of a divorce, yeah, I think all of your kids are gonna have a problem with this." She sipped her coffee and added, "Whatever this is."

He rubbed his chin with his hand, sighing a bit. "You're wrong, actually." He sipped his coffee, marveling at the way she knew how to make it so perfectly for him, and he glanced at her. "He wasn't upset."

She couldn't read him, for the first time ever, and it scared her. She licked her lips and drove a hand through her hair, and she cleared her throat. "We shouldn't be talking about this here. We have work to do." She took aim and threw her empty cup across the room and it landed in the trash bin. She smirked.

"Nice shot," he said with a chuckle.

She nodded, saying nothing as her smirk faded, as if his voice had brought her back to a harsh reality she didn't care for. It had. She sighed again, something that was quickly becoming a habit, and she got out of her chair. "I'm gonna go up to Morales. He should have the phone records by now, yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, biting his lip. "You want me to come with…"

"No," she interrupted. "You need to look for a connection between the girls. I won't be long." She gave him the smallest of smiles, but the love gleaming in her eyes told him that she felt more for him than she was letting on.

He smiled back, watched her leave, then his eyes shot to her desk drawer, still slightly open. He knew he would regret it, but he had to know what Trevor did for her, and why the thought of it made him so jealous. He got out of his chair, looked around, and slipped his hand into the drawer.

He pulled out the file, opened it, and instantly regretted it. "Damn it, Liv," he whispered harshly, slapping it shut. "Trying to save me, again," he mumbled, dropping the file into the drawer and closing it with a light bang. He rubbed his eyes with one hand, squeezed the bridge of his nose, and tried to forget he knew about it. He went back to work, pouring through the files of their seemingly unrelated victims, but his thoughts somehow drifted, constantly, to Olivia.

* * *

It was a little after eleven when they finally headed home, the case coming together, a suspect in custody, and the two of them looking forward to finally talking about the large, pink elephant standing between them.

Elliot wasted no time, opening his mouth as soon as he was in the car, alone with her. "So, you had Langan pull up Kathy's record?"

Olivia blinked. She turned to him, stunned, silent.

"You actually had someone you can't stand look through fifteen years of files to find it," he said, shaking his head. "When? Why?"

She blinked again. "I don't need it now," she said. "It was a while ago. He just…I guess he just finally got…"

"Tell me when," he demanded. "Why?"

She licked her lips and looked away from him, unsure of what her answer would do. The damage it would cause. "Three months ago," she said. "Maureen called me and told me that Kathy was gonna leave, try to take the kids. She was very upset. El, she was crying. She asked if there was anything I could do, so I…I knew Kathy'd been arrested, I thought if I found out why it might help if it ever…"

"You had her record pulled to use it against her in a custody case?" he asked, his voice sounding angry, though he wasn't angry at her. "What the hell did…did Mo say how she found this out? Three months ago?"

Olivia closed her eyes. "Stop yelling, El," she said softly. "Yes, three months ago. She told me…she heard Kathy talking to someone. She heard her mother tell someone else that she was walking out on her family, and she was gonna make sure you never saw your kids again. Forgive me for trying to find a way to stop her! I am so sorry that I did everything I could to keep that from happening!"

He exhaled and rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Liv, I wasn't yelling at you, I just…three months ago? She was gonna leave, well why, the fuck, didn't she?"

Olivia looked out of her window, folded her arms, and said, "I talked her out of it."

"You…what?" he asked, his voice soft now, the knowledge that she had done more for him than he thought finally hitting him.

"El, your daughter was hysterical, okay?" Olivia said, rolling her head to look at him. "It broke my heart to listen to her ask me why her mother didn't love her father anymore, and she asked me to talk to her, so I did." She turned away from him again. "I really didn't think you would mind your marriage staying together, so instead of letting her rip your heart out by leaving you, I convinced her to give it another shot."

He ran a hand down his face, and he shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle. "Shit," he said. "You are unbelievable, you know that?"

She snapped her head toward him again. "It doesn't even matter now, Elliot! She left anyway!"

"No, Liv, I meant…you're unbelievable. How amazing could you possibly...any other woman…in love with any other married man," he said, trying to piece his jumbled thoughts together. "Any other woman would have welcomed her leaving. But you…you tried to…you really do love me, don't you?"

She glanced up at him, her lip caught between her teeth, and she nodded. With an insecure smile, she said, "I'm beginning to think maybe that's not such a good idea." She shook her head and said, "Maybe we should let this…"

"You think the kids are gonna be mad at you, because once upon a time they asked you to keep Kathy from leaving," he surmised, reaching for her hand. "My son told me he would rather have you in his life...in mine in a more permanent and important way, knowing we'd be happy, than have his mother come home and live with all the fighting and instability." He leaned forward and said, "They love you. After everything you've done, how can they not?"

She squeezed his hand a bit, taking a shallow breath. "What about work?"

He was silent. He thought about it. He knew that she would hate his decision. "Well, uh, we need to…we need to keep this quiet, obviously. At work, we just…I mean, let's be honest, people think we've been fucking for years, so really nothing needs to change, we just have to…keep denying it."

She gave his hand another squeeze. "What if Cragen…"

"Then I'll go," he said before she could finish. "If it comes down to it, I'll leave. I made that decision last night. This job is in your blood, and it would be the least I could do for you. There's no way I would ever let you leave. Especially not for me. Because of me."

"You're not…no," she said, shaking her head. "You know we'll have to revisit that, eventually. I can't let you…"

"You wouldn't be letting me," he said, cutting her off. "You don't have to let me do this, Liv. You can't be the only one who gets to make the sacrifices in this relationship." He saw the look in her eyes and said, "Yeah. Relationship. I know it was only a few kisses, but…this is serious. Or it's gonna be. You…you want that, right?" he looked at her, his eyes hopeful, waiting for an answer.

She eyed him carefully, moving toward him, but before she kissed him, she said, "I made a decision last night, too."

"What?" he asked, whispering as his breathing sped up with his pulse. She was so close.

She smiled a bit and she said, "J'ai décidé que je veux être heureux. Je t'aime, Elliot."

He searched her eyes, he chuckled, and he said, "Baby, if you're gonna kiss me, you'd better do it, because when you speak French, you do strange things to me, and I can't be held responsible for my actions."

She laughed and leaned into him, pressing her lips to his. She controlled the kiss, slowly deepening it, and slowly pulling away from him. "Just…promise me that…El, I need time, here. We just need to go…"

"Slow," he said, nodding. "I need that, too, honey." He brushed her hair back and caressed her cheek. "No rushing, no pushing, just…like you said last night. No trying. Just let it happen."

She smiled as she claimed his lips again, and she moaned softly into his mouth. She both loved and hated the way his words affected her, the way she let herself trust and believe him so fully so fast. She loved him, she knew it, but she was terrified to let him in, let him finally have the power to hurt her.

She whimpered as he pulled her tighter, kissed her with more fervor, caressed her body gently. She realized he had the power to hurt her long ago.

He moved his body in the seat, making her more comfortable. He ran his hands along her side, down to her legs, back up, over her shoulders, as he kissed her. He knew she was ready to run, the signs were there, and he knew he had to think of something to say that would convince her he wouldn't let her down. Not this time.

He finally pulled away, catching his breath and leaning back. He smiled at her as he turned the key, and he told her to fasten her seatbelt. He drove away from the station, oblivious to the angry eyes watching their taillights fade.

**A/N: Who? And a conversation with the kids opens Olivia's eyes to the truth, and Elliot hears some things that hit him hard. But what? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Don't forget to look over your shoulder every once in a while. You never know who might be following you.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

"Coffee?" Elliot asked, walking into the squad room. He didn't wait for an answer, he simply put the green and white cup on her desk. "Hey," he said, noticing that she wasn't looking at him. "Liv, you okay?"

She looked up at him, smiled only slightly, and she said, "Fine."

He folded his arms, dropped his head a bit, and said, "You know I don't buy it." He looked over his shoulder, then toward the back of the squad room. He leaned closer to her and whispered, "What's bothering you, baby?"

She felt the drop in her stomach and the hair stick up at the back of her neck as he spoke. "Nothing," she said, again refusing to tell him. "Nothing, I just…I got this phone call last night and…"

"I was with you last night," he said, his eyes narrow.

She blinked. "After you left." She ran her hands through her hair and glanced at the coffee. She picked it up and took a sip, swallowed slowly, and then said, "It was Kathy."

Elliot made a noise that sounded like something that would come out of a wounded lamb.

Olivia looked at him with a perplexed expression. "What the hell was that?"

"What did she say?" he asked. "What did she want?"

She took another sip of her coffee and said, "She asked how the kids were. She told me she thought I would know better than you." She sighed and said, "And then she asked me, very nicely, to get out of your life. She doesn't want to come back, she just…doesn't want me with you anyway."

"Last time I checked she didn't get to tell me what to do," he said with a scoff. "I was married to her and she didn't tell me what to do, so there's no way in hell she has any right to tell you what to…"

"I didn't say I was gonna listen to her," she interrupted with a smirk. "She isn't exactly threatening."

He chuckled. "I know, but you…you're hesitant about this. This is just another reason for you to…"

"I have five even better reasons not to run from this," she said, knowing what he was going to say.

His face screwed up and his lips pursed.

She laughed at him and said, "You and your kids." She shrugged and said, "I've been too involved for too long. I need a good reason to stay that way."

He smirked at her. "So I'm not good enough by myself?"

She winked at him. "Never said that, either."

"Benson," Cragen's voice called from his office. "Stabler, you two have a call." He walked out and over to Elliot, holding out a pink slip of paper. He gave Elliot a glare as he said, "You think you manage to actually drive to the scene without getting distracted?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes as he took the slip. "What does that mean?"

Cragen folded his arms, narrowing his eyes harder. "Someone saw you. Both of you. In the car." He lowered his voice and said, "End this. Now. You're…"

"No," Elliot said, raising an eyebrow. He looked at Olivia and said, "Come on. We have to get down to…"

"So you're not denying it," Cragen interrupted. "You just…"

"I can't end it," Elliot said, "Because there is nothing to end. I don't know who told you what, but whatever they saw…they were wrong, Cap."

Olivia looked at Elliot with a bit of a scowl on her face. "Let's just go," she said.

Elliot nodded, walking with her out of the room. He resisted the urge to touch her, to reassure her, and when they got to the elevator he said, "Nothing to end, because this hasn't really begun. Has it?" He stepped in after her when the doors opened and he said, "I didn't mean that we weren't…"

"It's okay," she said, sighing. "I get it. This is new, and we don't know if there's anything really…"

"There's definitely something here," he said, cutting her off. He looked her in the eyes and lowered his voice. "I have never felt anything like…like what I feel when I kiss you." He closed his eyes and whispered, "What I feel when I'm with you."

She waited until he opened his eyes, looked into them for a moment, and almost let herself move to kiss him, but the elevator stopped. The doors opened. They were out of their moment and back into the grind.

* * *

They made it to the scene, on time and without incident, and they both rolled their eyes when they got out of the car. "What is she doing here?" Olivia asked, slamming her car door.

"She's the A.D.A," Elliot said, closing his door and walking around to her. "Why wouldn't she be here?"

Olivia gave him a narrow-eyed look. "She hasn't been around for months, El. We've had three different ADAs in the unit, rotating like it was some kind of fucking carnival ride." She shook her head as they walked toward the yellow tape. "She shouldn't be here."

Elliot chuckled and bent over a bit as he stayed in step with her. "You really hate her, don't you?"

"After what she did? Yes," Olivia said, nodding. She sent him a sly smirk as he held up the tape for her, watching her duck beneath it.

"Well, guess you have to put it all aside now," he told her, finally meeting the medical examiner, the vic, and the blonde lawyer.

"Well," the A.D.A said, grinning smugly, "I see you two are still partners. Who are you paying off?"

Olivia ignored her and nodded at the doctor. "What do we have, Mel?"

Melinda Warner looked up at her from her bent position over the body. "Thirty year old white female, no ID. This was brutal."

"Raped?" the blonde lawyer asked, her arms folded.

Elliot scoffed. "She called us, didn't she?" He snapped on a glove and asked, "Have you forgotten how this works, Alex?"

Alex rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses up higher on her nose. "No. I remember everything. Including how often you're all wrong."

Olivia cleared her throat, holding her tongue, and said, "She has a tan line, right where a ring should be."

"Something you will never have," Alex said, smirking.

"Hey!" Elliot yelled. "Knock it off! We're at a crime scene. You can insult us all you want when we get back to the squad room!"

"You promise?" Alex asked, grinning. "You know, I heard your wife had the good sense to leave you, Stabler."

Elliot sighed and nodded. "She did, yeah." He looked over at Olivia and smiled. "Someone else had the good sense not to stop her this time."

Olivia chuckled and continued her preliminary exam with Melinda, trying to ignore Alex.

"You fucking your partner, yet?" Alex asked, her voice low and her body twisted into Elliot's. "Or are you free for other, more attractive women to play with?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes, backing away from Alex, and said, "Neither."

"That doesn't make any sense," Alex said. She ran her long fingers through her golden locks and said, "You're either fucking her or…so you're fucking someone else, then."

"Alex!" Elliot yelled. "This is not the time, all right? Did you take this case just to piss us off?"

Alex chuckled. "No, I took the case because I've been reassigned to SVU. Not by choice, trust me. Pissing the both of you off, well, that's just icing on the cake."

Olivia stood up, holding something in her hand. "We might have a lead." She let the chain fall a bit, and she dangled it, letting the charm swing back and forth.

"Is that…" Alex began, confused.

"Dog tags," Elliot said, smirking. "Damn."

Alex watched as Elliot strutted over to Olivia, and she watched their intense interaction as they inspected the metal tags. She knew something had gone on in the car, and she thought telling Cragen would have split them up. Her eyes narrowed. She would need more proof, and she was determined to find it.

* * *

It was only three hours into the case, they hadn't even begun to uncover evidence and Alex had already gotten under Olivia's skin. Alex's snide comments and rude interruptions, inappropriate touches and glances at Elliot, it was too much for Olivia to take and she was about to blow up. Trying to remain professional, she left the room before things between her and Alex could escalate.

Elliot glared at Alex for a moment, then nodded once at Cragen before walking out after Olivia. He looked up and down the hall, then he smiled. He knew where she was.

She heard the door open and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself. "Go away," she said. "It's cold out here, and one of us needs to be down there."

"No," he told her. "Liv, you know she's just screwing with you." He walked toward her and touched her shoulders, making her jump a bit. He rubbed hard, moving down her arms. "She's trying to piss you off."

She shook her head and bit her lip. "Yeah, it's working." She moaned a bit and said, "What are you doing?"

"The kids wanna go out for dinner," he said. "I think it's a good idea."

"Then you should take your kids out for dinner," she said, rolling her neck. "You're avoiding the question."

He chuckled and as he continued to massage her shoulders and arms. "I am trying to get you to relax," he said. "And they want you to come. To dinner. That tell you anything?"

"Yeah, they like me," she chuckled. She dropped her head back onto his chest and sighed. "You're good at this."

He let out a low laugh and his hands moved further down her back. "You know damn well I am," he said. "I've given you massages before."

"But now they could…lead to something," she said, moaning lightly. "God, El."

He squeezed her hips, rubbing his thumbs into a knot in her lower back. "Just breathe, honey." He felt her stiffen and he turned her around. "Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" she asked, tilting her head.

He pulled her closer to him. He dropped his forehead to hers. "You get all tense and nervous when I call you something other than your name. Baby, honey, sweetheart…that's what I call you now. I'm allowed to, right?"

She looked up into his eyes and she said, "I'm not used to it. Not from you. It's gonna take a while. And dinner with your kids, out together like a couple, what if…"

"I will tell whoever asks that you're simple coming with us because it's a weeknight and odds are we're getting called in," he told her. "But no one is gonna see us, Liv. No one that matters. It's dinner, with me and the kids. You've gone out with us a thousand times."

"This is different," she said, playing with his tie. "Your wife won't be there. It's gonna look…"

"It's gonna look like what it is," he whispered, letting his lips brush hers slowly. "I want this, and need you to want it, too."

She let her eyes close as his lips pressed into hers, and she felt him pull her tighter and sway with her, something she was pretty sure he'd never done with Kathy. She sighed into the kiss, let out a light moan, and pulled away.

"I love you," he whispered. "I know that bothers you, and I know it's soon, but I was feeling it before…" he stopped and he opened his eyes. "Does it? Bother you, I mean."

She smiled and shook her head. "Not one bit," she said. "But it's gonna bother the hell out of Cragen." She smirked and said, "And Alex."

He kissed her again and said, "She won't get anywhere, you know that. She'll probably screw up and you'll put in a formal request for a new one, again, and then we won't have to deal with her."

Olivia sighed. "I just wish I knew what I did to her," she said. "She went from being one of my best friends to…"

"I know," he interrupted. "I know, baby, you just have to…hey, you didn't jump when I said that."

She laughed and pulled herself out of his arms. "I guess you've relaxed me a lot more than we thought." She gazed into his eyes and said, "Je t'aime."

He sighed. "When the hell are you gonna tell me what that means?"

She laughed and shook her head. "You should know," she told him, pulling the roof door open. "You say it to me all the time." She winked at him and left him alone, walking down the stairs back into the precinct.

He stared after her, and his lips curled into a smile. "She loves me," he whispered with a soft chuckle. He pulled open the door and ran down after her, hoping to get their work done so they could get out early. He had a lot to talk to her about over dinner.

He just wasn't counting on someone else listening.

**A/N: The big "thank you" is coming up. What is it? And will we finally get a romantic moment? Review here, or Twitter: TMG212 And stop by my profile if you haven't in a while! Thank you, everyone, for being readers and friends.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: What happens when "Thank You" is the furthest phrase from your mind?**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

Elliot was pacing back and forth in his living room. He kept looking at his cell phone, pressing the call key, then changing his mind and ending the call. "Damn it," he hissed.

"Dad!" Dickie yelled from the couch. "Just call her!"

Elliot shook his head. "She said she'd be here, she'll be here. I just…what if she…"

He was cut off by the door opening. "Hey," she said as she walked into the room. "I hit traffic."

"Hey," he said, trying to hide his relieved sigh. He let his eyes travel up and down her body, taking in the sight of her in a dress and heels, dressed for a date. With him. "You look…wow."

She smirked and hid the blush in her cheeks. "This is why I wanted to go home and change," she said. "I have a suit in the car just in case we get called in, so..."

"Yeah," he whispered, nodding dumbly as he was still in awe of her.

Lizzie ran to the door and threw her arms around Olivia. "You're coming?" she asked excitedly.

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, I'm coming," she said, hugging the girl back. "How's the leg, Dickie?"

Dickie hobbled up on his crutches. "Good," he said. "You have to sign my cast!"

Olivia laughed. "Maybe later, honey. We have reservations. Where are the girls?"

"Right here!" Kathleen yelled, bounding down the stairs. "Mom told us to call her when we got back so she can hear all about how miserable Dad was."

"But I'm not gonna be…" he paused, then laughed. "Oh, because she thinks she scared Liv into backing off?"

Maureen nodded with a laugh. "She was always oblivious to everything going on with us, why would she butt into our lives now?"

"Because now," Dickie said, crutching his way over to the front door, "She feels even more threatened by Liv. She left Dad, granted their relationship fizzled and they're better off as friends, but she still thinks…"

"We know what she thinks," Elliot said, stopping him. "We don't all need to hear it."

Dickie laughed and stepped aside to let his family through the door. "Whatever," he said. "The usual place, Liv?"

Olivia hesitated. "Uh…how about we let your father…"

"Sure," Elliot chimed in. "That sounds great." He rested his hand on Olivia's hip and allowed himself to really feel her beneath his touch. "Let's go."

Olivia looked up at him, smiled, and she nodded. She wasn't exactly ready for this, but she didn't think she ever would be.

* * *

He pulled out her chair, watched her sit, and as he tucked her in he leaned over and whispered, "You take my kids here?"

"Just when you and Kathy…when you used to go out," she said. "When I watched them, you know I don't cook, and there's only so much pizza a person can have…"

She was stunned when he kissed her, but she didn't back away. "Your kids," she whispered.

"Are watching us, yes," he said with a wink. He walked around and sat beside her, taking her hand. "Well, uh, guys, I guess I should tell you that…"

"You're on a date," Kathleen said, biting into a breadstick. "Honestly, Liv, you could do a lot better."

Olivia and Elliot both looked at her, tilting their heads. "Well, excuse me," Elliot said, folding his arms. "This was your brilliant idea. 'Why don't you just ask her, Dad?' 'We know you love her, Dad.' 'We're not gonna be mad, Dad."

"Take a joke, Dad," Kathleen said, chewing. "I wasn't kidding, but I think if she did find someone else, well…we'd all hate him, because he'd take her away from us."

Lizzie furrowed her brow. "She was with someone else, Katie, and she left him for us, every time." She picked up a breadstick and said, "I still feel guilty about that."

"Don't," Olivia said. "You did me a favor. Honestly, he…he wasn't the right guy for me."

Elliot gave her hand a squeeze and smiled at her. "No," he said. "He wasn't."

She returned his smile, as the four kids looked at them, and then at each other. "Okay," Dickie said, "Can I take the credit for this? Since, technically, my broken leg was the last straw for Mom leaving."

Lizzie shook her head. "No, I did this, because I'm the one who knew that Dad wouldn't answer and told Kathleen to call Liv."

"Exactly," Kathleen said. "I called her, so…"

"Guys!" Elliot yelled. "The only one taking credit for this is me. I told her, I kissed her, I got her to come to dinner. I win. Now eat your breadsticks and shut up!"

The kids stared at him, stunned.

"Finally!" Dickie said, rolling his eyes. "A little fatherly discipline. God, I thought I was gonna have to jump off of a roof or something. Oh…wait…"

"Smartass," Elliot chuckled, tossing a bit of breadstick at Dickie. The table laughed, enjoying their playful moment, and stopped when the waiter arrived. He looked at his son again and asked, "What do you want?"

Dickie looked down at the menu. "Uh…"

"Oh, I got this," Olivia said. She turned to the waiter and said, "Two chicken stir-fry over brown rice, one tilapia special with no onions, one chicken cordon bleu with extra cheese, and two steak and lobster dinners, one rare, one well done. Oh and nothing with any pepper, and keep it all away from nuts. We have an allergic child."

Elliot stared at her, his jaw dropped. "Liv," he whispered.

"Oh, and just…everyone is gonna have Sprite," she said, handing the waiter her menus.

"You certainly know your family," the waiter said with a laugh.

Elliot spoke before she could. "Yes, she does," he said, nodding. He squeezed her hand again and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly.

"I'm gonna throw up," Maureen said, shaking her head. "I didn't think you'd be this mushy this fast."

"You want mushy?" Elliot asked, smirking. He leaned over toward Olivia and grabbed her chin. "I'll give you mushy," he said, then he puckered his lips and gave Olivia thirteen tiny kisses on her cheek and neck. He chuckled, because her laughter was the best sound he'd ever heard.

She finally grabbed his face and pushed him away, turning to look at him. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, raising an eyebrow as the laughing from the kids died down.

"I am feeling…better than I have in years," he said, admitting it to himself as well as her. "You ordered food for the kids, and me, again. You know them. You know me, Liv. That…I don't think Kathy knows my favorite color anymore."

"Red," she said softly.

He smiled and leaned closer to her. "Exactly. You know. You know everything, Liv, that…that tells me that me and the kids…we're a priority to you." He moved closer. "Your favorite color is purple."

She held her breath and nodded.

"What's the name of my favorite childhood pet?" he asked, grinning, testing her.

She swallowed hard. "Shelly, your turtle," she said. She blinked when he moved closer.

"And for the win, how old was I when I got stitches for the first time?" he asked softly.

She closed her eyes. "Seven," she said. "You still have the scar on your…"

He kissed her, stopping her words again, and cupped her face gently. He pulled away slowly and looked at her, as if asking if what he'd done was okay.

"You keep doing that," she whispered, her eyes searching his for a reason.

"What?" he asked, finding the love in her eyes and smiling.

She smiled. "You keep kissing me when I'm in the middle of saying something," she said with a small laugh.

He nodded. "It's a much more fun way of telling you to shut up," he said, nuzzling her.

"Guys?" Maureen said, hiding the laughter in her voice. "Food."

Elliot and Olivia turned away from each other and toward the table, meeting the very amused faces of the kids and platefuls of food. "Oh," Elliot said, "Well, uh, then….eat, guys."

The kids laughed, rolled their eyes, and picked up their forks to eat, but they were interrupted when someone started coming over to their table. "Uh, Dad?" Lizzie said, looking at the woman walking toward them.

Elliot looked up and he groaned. "What the hell is she doing here?"

Olivia shook her head. "Trying to get in your pants," she mumbled. She wiped her mouth and swallowed, then dropped her napkin and looked toward the woman. "Alex, what an unpleasant surprise."

"You look cozy," Alex said, folding her arms. "A little too cozy to be just partners."

Dickie folded his arms, too, and said, "You look like you have a very pointy stick up your butt." He looked around and shrugged. "Sorry, I thought we were just stating the obvious."

Elliot snickered, but looked at Alex. "We are pretty cozy, but ya know, you work with someone for as long as we've worked together…"

"I saw you kiss her," Alex said, tilting her head. "So I know. And you have to live with that." She bit her lip and grinned. "What to do with this knowledge…hmmm."

Olivia gave her a glare and said, "You wouldn't." She turned her eyes upward when she saw the look on Alex's face. "Alex, look, professional differences aside, you are not the type of person who would…"

"I'm not," Alex said, nodding. "Just remember that." She bit her lip again, but this time her smile was gone. "I'll see you tomorrow. At work."

Elliot and Olivia stared as she walked back to her table, and both mouths fell open as they saw the man she was sitting with. "Is that…"

"Langan," Elliot said, nodding. "Yeah. She might not be the type to rat us out, but…"

She pressed her lips to his, turning the tables on him. She pulled away and whispered, "Don't say it. Please, don't say it."

He rested he head against hers and said, "Thank you." He kissed her again and said, "For everything."

She tilted her head and looked at him with a glint in her eye. "You have to stop thanking…"

He silenced her again, but it wasn't with a kiss. It was with the necklace dangling from her fingers. "This…this isn't….I know this doesn't…"

"Is that a garnet?" she asked, reaching for the charm. "El, it's…"

"Your birthstone," he interrupted. "Red. My favorite color." He pulled the necklace away from her hand and opened it, then slipped it around her neck. He sighed when she held her hair up for him, and he saw the length of her exposed neck. He had to remind himself they were in public, and they couldn't take that kind of step yet. He latched the clasp, then gently kissed the back of her neck.

"El," she whispered, looking down at the necklace against her skin, "Thank you."

He shook his head, smiled at her, and said, "You're welcome." He picked up his fork and took a bite of his steak, winking at her.

Olivia, though, was now too nervous to eat. Something shifted. Something changed. She turned back to Alex and Langan, and she felt her heart crack. She suddenly felt like she was going to lose everything before she ever even had it.

**A/N: What do Alex and Langan do? Anything? And what happens when Olivia and Elliot get a night alone? Hilarity will ensue. Review here, or on Twitter:TMG212**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Actions speak louder than words.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

He watched her all night, as they rode home, as she braided Maureen's hair before the kids went to bed, as she signed Dickie's cast, calling him "Slugger" and putting a happy face in her O.

He finally got to see her as the person his children had known for months, he finally got to see the side of her she kept hidden from him for so long. He finally got to see the woman he knew existed behind the rough exterior, the woman he had fallen in love with. He watched her walk out of Dickie's bedroom, and into the bathroom, and he took the opportunity to run into his bedroom and change.

He ran a hand down his face, thinking about what to wear for the first time in almost seventeen years. He scratched his head and pulled open his drawer, pawing through tee shirts. He bit his lip and pulled out one with an intricate tribal design on it.

He sighed and tugged off his dress shirt, then pulled on his tee shirt. He cleared his throat, trying to ease his nerves, and changed out of his dress pants, into sweats, and turned toward the door. He jumped, though, as he saw Olivia in the door way.

She had a smirk on her face and her arms were crossed, she knew she looked hot, and she said, "I don't have any singles, El. Sorry."

He furrowed his brow and took a step toward her. "How long were you…"

"You have a couple of tattoos I've never seen before," she interrupted. "What was that, a phoenix?"

He nodded and ran a hand over his head. "Uh, yeah, there's another one…um…you'll see it. Eventually."

She smirked. "I'm sure I will, Stabler," she said with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Your kids are asleep. I think we have a good hour or two before the shit hits the fan down at the station and they call us in to clean up the mess."

He sat on the bed, patted the mattress beside him, and said, "An hour or two to, uh, figure this out."

She moved and sat next to him, and she held her breath as he took her hand. She linked her fingers with his and said, "Tonight was…well, I'm just gonna say it. It's kind of pathetic, but it was the best date I've ever been on."

He laughed and said, "Me, too, Liv. And it's not pathetic. It's amazing."

"We were there with your kids and I had a better time than…" she stopped and she looked at their joined hands. "This makes sense," she whispered.

"Yeah, it does," he said, nodding. "I'm gonna be honest with you. Very…very honest. I was pissed at you. For a long time."

She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. "Why?"

"For being there when I wasn't, for doing my job, Kathy's job," he said, shaking his head. "But I figured it out, a while ago, and it was never really you I was mad at. It was me. I wasn't mad because you were here and I wasn't, I was mad because I wasn't here with you."

She screwed her brows together. "That's the same thing."

"No," he said with a small smile. "I didn't care that it wasn't me or Kathy, I was happy it was you. I wanted to be with you. Do you get it?"

She tilted her head as it hit her. "Yeah," she whispered.

He pulled her hand, tugging her body toward him. "I want to be with you, Liv. You and me. Is that…I mean, do you want…"

"Yes," she said softly, almost just a breath. She moved, then, and kissed him, taking him by surprise and making him give her a delighted moan.

He lifted his free hand and cupped the side of her face, and he gently prodded her mouth open enough to slide his tongue between her lips. He moaned again and let go of her hand, then he slid his fingertips along the bare skin of her legs. He trickled them down, then up, then down, then up again, each time he would let them climb a little higher under her dress.

She sighed and moaned into his agape mouth, and her hands looped around his neck. Part of her brain was signaling her body to stop, to slow down, to keep this just a kiss. There were larger parts of her brain that were screaming louder, though, telling her to ravage him the way she wanted.

He moved his hand down her body, from her face to her leg, and as he kissed her he pressed into her, sliding his hands further up, under the material. He moaned, his voice was shaking as he did so, and he couldn't believe he was feeling her, kissing her.

She leaned back, knowing what he wanted, and she didn't stop him when his hands slid higher, closer to the part of her body that was now throbbing, growing hotter, wetter. "El," she whispered against his lips.

"Sorry," he said quickly, pulling back.

She grabbed his wrists, stopping him, and she looked into his eyes. She gave him silent permission, and she saw his eyes darken two shades. She bit her lip, and she watched him take a breath before leaning back toward her to kiss her.

He was nervous, near terrified, with her. He had never been nervous with any other woman the way he was with her. His heart was pounding, he could hear it in his ears, and he knew his palms were sweating. Every hair was standing straight on its end as he pushed up the dress and hooked his fingers over the waistband of her panties. He glanced down, taking a peek, and his breath caught in his throat.

She watched him gulp, she watched his eyes travel over her body and she grew nervous, too. She didn't know what he liked, what he wanted, if she was enough for him. When she saw his lips curl, she took a breath. Whatever test this was, she passed.

"You're so…incredible," he whispered, kissing her again as he slipped the flimsy cotton over her hips. "So beautiful," he told her softly between kisses. "So sexy. So mine."

She could do little more than moan as he touched her, as his fingers found their way back to her body and inched toward her aching core. "El," she whispered, "I…"

"Love me," he said with a grin, one finger grazing her slit. "My God," he breathed. "You're…so damned wet."

She moaned, more at his touch than his words, and she felt like a high schooler going too far on a first date. And that's what she was doing, if she was being honest. "Jesus," she said, gripping his arm tightly as he pushed a single, thick finger into her. "Oh, God," she moaned. Synapses were firing in all directions as every nerve in her body exploded. Angels were singing in her ears, and she moaned again, realizing that this was him. Elliot. With her. Touching her. Loving her.

He moaned, too, just as excited, just as scared, and he kissed her slowly as he urged another finger into her and began to move, sliding them out and twisting them back in, savoring every second. He felt a little more like an asshole as he realized he was consciously imagining another part of his body moving, being where his fingers now were. He squeezed his eyes shut and moaned, shaking off the thoughts and focusing on the moment. "Liv," he whispered against her parted lips, "Baby, are you…"

"I'm fine," she panted. "God, just…don't stop. Please." She finally found the strength to move her hands, and she slipped them into his sweats, thanking God his boxers were loose. She ran her palms over the ass at which she'd spent years staring, she squeezed his flesh which made him busk his hips and moan. She chuckled and moved one hand around to the front of his waist, and without even trying she grazed the tip of his hardened dick. She moaned, then, realizing it was a comment on his size that she was barely in his pants and could feel him.

"Fuck, Liv, that…God," he murmured, thrusting his fingers now. He groaned and dropped his head a bit when she took hold of him, her hand feeling like Heaven as she stroked, taking in his length, his girth. He knew she was exploring him, and he was arrogant enough to enjoy it. He kissed her and shifted up higher on the bed, on her, to give her more and better access to what she wanted. He twisted his fingers more, making her cry out his name, and he couldn't help the proud chuckle that escaped.

"Bastard," she teased with a soft laugh of her own. "Oh, God, El, this feels…so…hmm," she tried to voice her feelings but her lips pressed together and her eyes slid shut. She gripped him tighter, stroked him faster, suddenly thankful for being so nervous her hands were moist. It made this easier.

"Christ," he hissed, bucking into her hand, moving with her as if he was making love to her fist. "Baby," he grunted, finding her lips again. He swiped her tongue with his, ran it around her teeth, massaged her mouth thoroughly as he turned his hand a bit and moved his thumb over her clit.

She yelped and arched her back, the contact with the swollen nub hitting her like a taser stun. She gripped him tighter then, stroking him faster, her thumb returning his favor by grazing over the tip. She moaned as she felt the slick droplet of fluid coat the pad of her finger. She was causing this reaction, no one else, and that thought sent a ripple of pleasure coursing through her body.

He swiped over her clit faster, and his domineering personality came through with his lust and need. "Cum, baby," he ordered, husky and throaty.

She bit at his lip, tugging as she moved back. She shook her head and moaned. Her hand was starting to ache, with the rest of her body. The need for release was hitting her fingertips to her toes. Her feet curled and her back arched.

"Cum, Olivia," he demanded again, his eyes wide open, staring at her. He watched every twitch of her eyelids, every curl of her lips, every roll of her head.

She blinked and looked up at him, feeling him begin to throb in her hand. She narrowed her eyes, realizing he called her by her full name, something he only did when angry, and she smirked. He called her that when he was trying to assert his authority over her. She loved this side of him. She shook her head again, feeling the desperate need to wait for him, feeling as if she owed him that.

He moved his fingers faster, thrust them harder, and he moved his thumb more vigorously. "Cum, damn it," he spat. "I wanna watch you. This is the first time…fuck, that feels so damn good," he said, biting his lip. "First time I get to see this, and I want to watch it, start to finish, before I have to shut my eyes."

Knowing his reason, hearing it, sent a shot to her heart, and to her core, and she started to tremble. "El," she moaned, trying to keep her strokes even and fast. She felt herself tightening around his fingers, and she lost it.

"God, yes," he seethed, trying to hold in his own orgasm so he could give his full attention to her. When she threw her head back and called his name, digging the nails of her other hand into his arm, he came undone. "Shit," he cursed, dropping his head to hers. He kissed her madly as he came, shooting out and spilling over her hand, which was still moving against him.

They slowed their strokes, and they eased their hands away from each other, and they looked into each other's eyes, shocked and sated, and scared and thrilled.

"Wow." He was the first to speak.

She nodded, panting, and the smile on her face was huge. "Wow," she repeated.

He grinned back at her and kissed her softly. "Are you okay? I mean that…that was too fast…no?"

"I'm a big girl, El," she said, reaching up with the hand that had been digging holes into his arm, and she caressed his face. "That was…amazing."

He smirked. "Well, you have that rule about your third date, so…"

"El," she interrupted, "I think we are breaking every one of my rules. Don't date people you work with, don't date men with children, don't…"

He silenced her with a sweet kiss. "Why don't we just throw the rule book out the window, baby?"

"Fine by me," she said with a chuckle.

He dropped his head to kiss her again, slowly moving his hands up her body again and holding her head gently. They were about to move, do something neither was ready for, when his cell phone rang. He pulled away from her and said a harsh, "Shit."

She chuckled and said, "I told you we probably only had an hour." She sat up as he moved off of her, and she watched him answer the phone.

"Stabler," he hissed. "No, uh, I was…sleeping. What's the address? Yeah, uh, I'll get her. It's fine. Thanks, Fin." He hung up and said, "Duty calls."

"Doesn't it always?" she joked, slipping off of the bed. She gave him a long lingering kiss before she left the room, and she looked over her shoulder at him. "I love you," she said.

Before he could respond, she was gone. He blinked, then rose to his feet to change, again. She said it. She told him what he'd been waiting for her to say. His smile faded, though, as he realized that a new crime scene meant they had to deal with Alex. "Fuck," he spat, ripping a tie off of its hook.

This was gonna be a long night.

**A/N: Kathy has a chat with Olivia, Alex gets on their nerves, and a glitch in the case means a huge change in the squad. What? Review here, or on Twitter: TMG212 Also, I know we are all stunned by the news of Chris Meloni leaving SVU, and I hope this won't mean a loss of readers or writers. The stories and characters are still alive, if we keep them that way!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Changes in their personal lives lead to changes everywhere else.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

"You can't smoke here. There's this new law that..." Olivia stopped, noticing the look she was getting. She looked down at her tea. "I didn't know you smoked," she said, tapping her fingers on the table.

The woman across from her blew a puff of smoke into the air of the outdoor cafe, chuckling. "I didn't," she said. "Not until you came along. And Elliot doesn't know, so I would appreciate...well, I guess he really wouldn't care now, would he?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Kathy, he cares about you, he just..."

"Bullshit," the blonde spat, taking another drag of her stick. "All he gives a shit about is you."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and lifted her teacup to her lips. "You asked me here to yell at me, is that it?"

"I asked you here to...well, yell, yeah," Kathy said, dropping the cigarette and squashing the end of it under the toe of her designer shoe. "But also...to thank you."

"Thank me?" Olivia asked, as if she hadn't heard her correctly.

Kathy looked around for the waiter, waved a hand, signaling him to bring them more drinks, then turned her attention back to Olivia. "The kids, they told me what you did for them. What you tried to do for me and Elliot, so yes. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Olivia said, both eyebrows up in surprise and suspicion as she sipped her tea again. "What exactly did they say to..."

"Are you in love with him?" Kathy interrupted, her brows knitted together.

Olivia turned, looking around, hiding her nerves. "With whom?"

"Jesus Christ," Kathy hissed, leaning back in her chair.

"No," Olivia said, not missing a beat. "I actually don't believe in..."

"Elliot!" Kathy snapped, cutting off Olivia's attempt at humor. "Are you in love with Elliot? Yes or no? It's a simple question."

Olivia took a long breath and she bit her lip. "Why does it matter now?"

"Now? It doesn't matter now, but It's something I've been wondering for years, Olivia," Kathy said, her head dropping slightly as she shifted her chair closer to the table. "You don't know what it was like, seeing the light in his eyes that is supposed to be meant for me only shine when he was with you."

Olivia rubbed a hand over her face. "Wow, really?" she mumbled, not eager to have this conversation.

Kathy's eyes softened. "I saw the look in his eyes when he talked about you, like you were the most amazing person in the world. You could do no wrong in his eyes, Olivia." She gave a sad sort of chuckle and said, "I just...I always wondered if you felt the same way he did, if you were in love with him. It just...I need to know if he could have been with you, if he honestly could have..."

"He could have," Olivia interrupted. "But he didn't. Kathy, I need you to understand that he never so much as held my hand, not once. Even if he had...I wouldn't have done anything. He was married, he...he was your husband, a father to your kids, and as much as I wanted him, I was not going to come between you."

Kathy scoffed. "You did anyway," she said, shaking her head. She moved to let the waiter drop more tea for Olivia and something tall and pink in front of her. She nodded at him, then sighed. "I know...I know you thought that you were helping, but...your interference with the kids is what finally made me snap, what finally made him see just how badly we weren't working."

"Interference?" Olivia questioned, offended.

"Not...not like that...I..." Kathy sipped her drink and said, "You did things that I should have done, that he should have done, and neither one of us even knew about any of it. So it's like football. You were running interference, when the quarterback drops the ball, you pick it up and head for the goal. Team wins anyway."

Olivia chuckled. "Did you just make a football reference?"

"I spent four years watching Elliot play," Kathy laughed. "I picked up a couple of things."

Olivia took a breath, took a sip of her tea, and said, "I was only trying to keep you together. You have to know that it was never my intention to..."

"I know what you were doing," Kathy interrupted again. "I'm gonna ask you one more time, Olivia, and I need you to answer me. Are you in love with Elliot?"

Olivia bit her lip, she felt her heat pounding. Admitting it to Elliot last night was easy, especially since they'd been able to avoid talking about it. Admitting to herself, now, was proving to be terribly difficult, and she was being confronted by his ex-wife, adding to the terror. She closed her eyes, she took another breath, and she said, "Yes."

Kathy was silent. She took a long sip of her drink, and she reached for the pack of cigarettes on the end of the table. She toyed with the box, flipping it around in her hands. "Please," she said, "Don't tell him I smoke."

Olivia shook her head, promising she wouldn't tell him.

"He's in love with you, too," Kathy said, sipping her drink again. "I don't know if he's told you." She gulped another bit of the pink liquid, took out her credit card, and said, "I got it. You should get back to work."

As Olivia stood, Kathy stopped her again. She turned and said, "Yeah?"

"Has he? Told you, I mean," Kathy said, sounding almost friendly. "That he loves you."

Olivia couldn't help the smile that crossed her face, even though it was not the right time for such happiness. "He told me. Yeah."

"Good," Kathy said, swallowing both the last of her drink and her pride. "He deserves to be happy. You both do."

"So do you," Olivia said, meaning it, holding out a hand.

Kathy looked at her hand, as if considering shaking it or chopping it off. She sighed and grabbed it with her own, shaking it firmly. "Be good to him, Olivia. I know you will be, I just...I felt like I had to..."

"I know," Olivia said, dropping Kathy's hand. She walked away, taking a deep breath, shaking off the nerves. She looked down at her watch and calculated. She had five minutes to get back to the station.

* * *

"Well, here she is," Alex said, a condescending tone in her voice. "Miss America."

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "I'm not..."

"Don't bother," Elliot interrupted. "She's been insulting both of us all day, she's running out of good ones."

Olivia chuckled and sat in her chair. "What do you want, Cabot?"

Alex handed her a folded document with a blue cover. "Your warrant. I tried to tell Judge Patterson that you didn't have enough evidence, but he trusts you two more than he trusts me. Guess Benson's sleeping with him, too."

"All right, that was low, even for you," Munch said before Elliot could. "You wanna tell us what she did that has you so..."

"I got something she wants," Olivia interjected. "We all know that Alex hates to lose, and losing to me, well...that's just pissing her off even more."

"It's not just that," Elliot said, shaking his head. "She didn't even know about that when..."

Alex interrupted him, folding her arms. "I am right here, thanks. And honestly, I'm not allowed to dislike a person? I need an actual reason? Jesus, she is not Mother Teresa, it's not a sin if I don't like her." She sneered at Elliot. "And you, you're just an arrogant asshole. No one likes you, except for her, so why should I be different?"

Elliot narrowed his eyes and gave her a smirk, knowingly getting under her skin. "Yeah, you hate me so much, that why you stare at me? Make those faces? Leave me those little text messages and voicemails..."

"What now?" Olivia interrupted, folding her arms.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Nothing," he said, still glaring at Alex.

Alex swallowed hard, finding her breathing picking up and her pulse quicken. She looked at Olivia and her gaze shifted from sultry to angry. "You'd better not fuck up this case, Benson. I don't wanna be the one to tell Patterson he was wrong."

Olivia bit her tongue as she watched the blonde walk out of the room, her hips swaying a little more than necessary. She scoffed, then turned toward Elliot. "What messages?"

Fin smirked. "Cabot's been sextin' you, man? You're a free soul now, Stabler. Go for it."

Elliot choked. "I'd rather wrestle a live alligator," he said. "Besides, um, I'm kind of...there's already someone...not Alex."

Munch folded his arms. "The man works fast."

"What messages?" Olivia yelled, her arms now on her hips, one perilously close to her gun.

"Not now, Liv," Elliot said, his eyes telling her to drop it. "I didn't even...as soon as I got them, I deleted them. I don't respond to her. You know I wouldn't..." he stopped and tilted his head. "You had lunch with Kathy. What did she say to you?"

Fin furrowed his brow. "Hold up," he said, stepping toward them. "Cabot has the hots for Stabler, he's already seein' some girl, and you're spendin' quality time with Kathy, who you can't stand? What am I missin' here?"

"She wanted to thank me for taking care of her kids," she said, rolling her eyes. "It wasn't like we were booking mani-pedi's together."

Munch chuckled. "I still think it's hysterical that Alex is..."

"It's not that funny," Elliot said, pulling on his jacket.

"You're actually flattered," Olivia said, folding her arms again. "You are loving the fact that she is driving herself nuts over you."

"No," he said, turning to her, fire in his eyes. "There's only one woman who flatters me because she wants me. Only one woman who gives me an ego boost every time she looks at me like she wants me, and it sure as hell isn't Alex."

Olivia got it. She let out a deep breath through her nostrils and nodded. "Okay," she said, poking the inside of her cheek with her tongue.

"Clear?" he snapped.

"Crystal," she said, trying not to smirk, or jump for joy the way she suddenly had the urge to do.

He nodded. "Good," he said sharply. "Now what the hell did we need a warrant for?"

Cragen, standing behind them, said, "I was wondering when we'd all be getting back to work!"

The four detectives turned, together, and looked at him. "Hey, Cap," Elliot said, smiling.

"Can it, Stabler," Cragen snapped. "You got your warrant. Go. Take Munch."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Munch? But Liv is..."

"As of right now, Olivia is with Fin, you're with Munch," Cragen cut in. "At least until I can decide if Trevor Langan has any reason to lie to me."

Olivia looked at Elliot, her expression one of pure rage. "Oh, this is just perfect."

"This wasn't Trevor," Elliot said, returning her look. "This was Alex. She got Trevor to call, because she knew we thought she never would."

Olivia rolled her eyes and looked at Cragen. "Cap, honestly, would we really jeopardize our careers like that? Elliot has kids he has to support and an ex-wife who's gonna be asking for a shitload of alimony for the next three years, " she said, attempting to hide the lie in her voice.

Cragen narrowed his eyes. "Just go," he said, sighing. "You can have your partner back tomorrow, Elliot, I just...need to show Tucker that I took the claim seriously enough to make the threat."

Elliot sighed, clearly relieved, and he shot Olivia a warning look.

She nodded, understanding, and watched him leave with Munch. "Well, Fin," she said with a sigh. "You and Munch were working on the..."

"It's you," Fin whispered, looking her right in the eyes. "The girl Stabler's seein', the reason Alex is beyond pissed. Langan wasn't lyin'?"

Olivia swallowed and blinked once. "Fin, you..."

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "That's just...that's just stupid. You could do a lot better than Stabler." He winked at her, though, telling her that if it was true, he wouldn't say a thing.

She smiled at him, let her breathing regulate, and said, "Thanks, Fin." She picked up the opened file off of Munch's desk and read it, but the nagging thoughts at the back of her mind made it hard to concentrate.

Elliot would ask about her lunch with Kathy, she would ask, again, about the messages from Alex, they would fight, and she knew it would be violent and harsh. It was only going to lead to one thing.

She let a wicked grin play at her lips, then. She couldn't wait.

**A/N: A final showing of gratitude, and maybe a night of naughtiness? Review here, or on Twitter.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: When people are arguing they can get carried away with the need to apologize.**

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. This story belongs to Tstabler©**

"Liv," he said, whining, for the seventh time, "Can't you just drop it?"

Her arms folded, her eyes narrow, and her back against the doorframe, she shook her head. "You're kidding," she scoffed. "Alex is sending you naughty love notes and you want me to drop it? Shit, Elliot, I spent years competing with Kathy now I have to…"

"You don't have to compete with Alex!" he yelled. "I told you, I don't even read…"

She interrupted him when his phone bleeped, alerting him to a new message. "Oh," she said, "That's probably her right now. She's probably asking what you're wearing, or maybe she wants to tell you that she's naked right now and you're more than welcome…"

"Stop it," he spat, flipping open his cell phone. He looked down, hit a few buttons, and tossed his phone onto the coffee table.

"Well?" Olivia questioned, raising an eyebrow. "What did your girlfriend want?"

"Right now, I think my girlfriend wants to drive me crazy," he said, rolling his eyes.

"What did she say?" Olivia asked, a little louder, shifting her weight to one foot and biting the inside of her cheek.

Elliot growled slightly. "I don't even know! I deleted it before I read it!"

"Or did you read it, and then delete it, because you knew I'd…"

He cut her off, snapping at her. "Will you please, stop? She doesn't mean anything to me! She never has! Christ, the only other woman I have ever, in my entire life, even thought about doing anything sexual with, besides my wife, was you!" He took two steps toward her and repeated, "You!"

She looked away from him and closed her eyes. "Did you have to bring up Kathy?"

"Do you have to keep bringing up Alex's crush on me?" he retorted, pulling her chin and meeting her eyes. "You got so jealous over nothing, ya know. I don't even read…"

"This is what you get, El," she interrupting, slowly blinking and taking a short breath. "I'm horrible at this. Especially now, with you."

He squinted. "What are you…?"

"People leave," she said, cutting him off. "They realize I'm not worth it, they can do better, and they leave when they find it, or I run before they can," she told him. "That's why…that's why I tried so hard to keep you and Kathy together. To keep your kids safe."

"Because you were…I don't follow," he said, turning her toward him again. "And for Christ's sake, look at me when you talk to me."

She took another breath and said, "I thought if there was never a chance of this happening, then I would never have to really admit that…I would never have to tell you that…"

"You're really that afraid of being in love?" he asked, worried.

"No," she said, looking up at him. "I'm this afraid of being in love with you." She bit her lip and said, "If this ends then I don't just lose another lover that didn't matter, I lose the only person in the world who knows me, really knows me. The only person I trust."

He was quiet, looking at her for a long while. His lips curled and he said, "That's why this is gonna work." He leaned closer. "You trust me," he whispered, inching closer still. "And I know you better than anyone else in the world. I know you better than you know yourself, which is how I know you told me you loved me in French because it was easier to believe I couldn't understand you." He let his lips brush over hers just a bit and said, "But you do love me."

"I do," she whispered, her breath catching in her throat. She closed her eyes and felt his hot breath on her lips.

"I love you," he said.

She opened her eyes then, gave him a soft smile, and said, "I love you."

He chuckled and said, "And you didn't even say it French." He kissed her slowly, pulling her away from the bedroom door, into him. He backed up slowly, moving toward the bed.

She took a deep breath through her nose as they fell onto the mattress. She lost herself in the kiss, running her hands up and down his arms as he rested his palms on her back.

He moaned and pulled her shirt up a bit, he needed to feel her skin under his hands. He shuddered when he felt her roll into him, he let out a soft groan. "There's only you, now," he whispered. "I promise."

She let out a soft noise sinking further into him. "Kids?"

"With Kathy," he said, nipping at her neck. "All weekend."

She moaned as he suckled on her neck, her body grinding into his, her body rubbing over his hardness. She could feel him through their clothes, and she shook with need and anticipation. "El," she said, breathing faster.

He knew what she wanted, what she needed. He hooked his thumbs under the material of her shirt and skated it over her head. He tossed it aside and went to work on her bra, moaning when he realized she was unbuttoning his shirt. "Liv," he groaned, "Liv, baby, we don't have to…"

She kissed him, and he forgot what he was going to say. Her lips worked with his as her hands found their way to his pants, unbuckling his belt.

He lifted his hips, with her still on top of him, giving her a bit of a ride. He helped her shove his pants down and he took it upon himself to pull of his boxers. He took pride in the look on her face when she looked down, and he chuckled when he pulled her by the neck, back to his lips.

She moaned against his lips as he slid his hands up her thighs, nudging down her pants. She rose a bit to allow him to get them off, refusing to stop kissing him.

Naked now, pressed together, he pulled away from her and rolled her over on to her side. He kissed her softly and took both of her hands in his. He shifted closer to her, every inch of their bodies touched. His nose rubbed against hers, his lips were lightly touching hers.

"What's wrong?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

"Nothing." He kissed her and pulled her closer. "Everything is just…so right. I wanna just…just gimme a minute." He let go of one of her hands, running it lightly along her body, breathing slowly as he kissed her again.

She squeezed his hand and scooted closer. Feeling him, feeling everything. She had so many thoughts running through her head and yet she had no words to say. She settled for something she knew he deserved to hear, something he had said to her countless times in the last two months. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" he asked, giving her ass a light squeeze and kissing her again.

She gave him a small shove, rolling him back onto his back. She crawled over him, positioning herself directly above him. "Loving me," she whispered.

He smiled and took a long look at her, his eyes traveling over her form, taking in the sight of her naked beauty. He didn't say anything, there was nothing to say, he simply held her gaze as he gave his hips a small thrust, poking his way through just a bit.

"Oh, God," she moaned, her eyes fluttering closed. Her head dropped back as he pushed in further, her palms sunk into his chest, and she cried his name.

He gave a low groan, too, feeling her surround him for the first time. Every hair on his body was standing straight up and he couldn't tear his eyes off of her face. He was mesmerized by her expression, the way her tongue swept over her lips, the way he neck stretched out when her head rolled. "Jesus, Liv," he moaned.

Her head popped back up and she looked at him, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. Something in his eyes told her this was right, just as he said. She bent forward and kissed him, and her hips began to rise and fall in rhythm with his. "Elliot," she almost purred into his ear. "Oh, Elliot."

"Yeah, baby," he panted, hitting into her slowly, making it last. He didn't want to rush their first time together, he didn't want to end it at all. Ever. He moved his hands and got a solid grip on her, then flipped them over, rolling with her, on top of her. He moved deeper, pulling her legs up. He swung his hips with more purpose, looking into her eyes.

She looked up at him, her arms slung around him, hands clutching his back. She let out a curse when he dropped his head and sucked a taut nipple into his mouth, and her hands flew to the back of his head. "Elliot," she murmured.

With her nipple caught between his teeth, he mumbled, "Olivia. God, Olivia." He moved his hips a bit faster, a bit harder. He moaned and suckled on her harder, hearing her full name echo in his ears. He didn't know why he felt compelled to call her that, but it felt right.

She was so close, so deliciously close, but she was holding on, waiting for him, needing for this to be more than sex, more so than it already was. "Elliot," she moaned, her head dropping further into the pillow as she felt him hit a spot so deep inside of her she didn't know it existed.

He let her nipple go, feeling it, too, and he moaned her name again. His lips found hers, and he voiced a shivering moan as he felt his grip on control slipping. "Liv, I…" he grunted into the kiss, stopping what he was saying as he lost the thought.

"Oh, God," she moaned, tightening and arching her back. She crashed her lips into his, moaning highly as he thrust in and out a few more times, then giving off a shuddering moan of his own as he spilled into her. They moved together harder, not wanting the moment to end.

They were still, then, breathing fast and kissing slowly, not moving anything but their hands and mouths, savoring each other.

Olivia's cell phone rang, then, snapping them out of their bliss. "Damn it," she mumbled, taking her hand from his and reaching for her phone. "Christ, this better be important."

He chuckled and nipped at her neck as she answered it. "Tell them we're busy," he whispered, licking the rim of her ear.

She moaned and spat, "Benson." She pushed Elliot up suddenly, popping to a sitting position. "Kathy, slow down! What happened? What? Okay, we'll be right there. Please, just…calm down. Okay. Yes. I will be…what? You're…you're welcome. Okay. Five minutes, maybe less. Bye."

"What happened?" he asked, watching her hang up and get out of the bed. "Liv! What hap…"

"Lizzie's gone," she said. And no sooner had she spoken than he was up and dressed, pulling her out of the house. He had only just begun to thank her, he didn't realize how grateful he would be, and how thank you wouldn't be enough after tonight.

**A/N: Where's Lizzie? What does Olivia do? Why didn't Kathy call Elliot? Review?**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Coming to terms with what you've done for others often leads to admitting you deserve their gratitude. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. TStabler© owns this story.**

Pacing back and forth in the squad room did nothing to calm him down. He was worried, angry, and was feeling unbelievably guilty. He kept muttering that he shouldn't have left his kids with Kathy, that he shouldn't have been too involved with Olivia to ignore the phone calls. He ran a hand down his face, shaking his head, and his fingers covered his mouth as he mumbled something else.

"What was that?" Kathy snapped.

He just shook his head and continued pacing.

Olivia ran in, breezing by the other kids and Kathy, who was sitting in her chair. She ignored that as she blew toward the computer and large screen in the back. She typed a few things and hit enter twice, and a map popped up with two blinking dots on it. "That's you," she said, pointing to the first red dot as she turned to Elliot. She pointed to the other dot and said, "That's Lizzie. As long as both phones stay on, we can find her. I had to argue with your phone company to get them to turn on the GPS."

Elliot ran to her, looked at the map, and furrowed her brow. "What the hell is she doing in Brooklyn?" he yelled. He turned and looked at Kathy. "Who the hell does she know in Brooklyn? Do you know if she knows anyone in Brooklyn?"

"Don't pin this on me!" Kathy yelled, getting out of Olivia's chair. "You know just as much about her life as I do! If anyone should be answering that, it's her!" she snapped pointing to Olivia.

Olivia's eyes widened. "I only know what they told me! I'm not their mother," she said. "Or their father." She gave Elliot the same look. "I did you two a favor…lots of favors," she said, walking over and grabbing her keys off of her desk. "If one of them was in trouble, I dropped whatever…and whomever…and I ran to them. Which is what I'm doing now." She shot Elliot a hard glare. "Are you coming? Or do you wanna argue the finer points of parenting with your ex-wife?"

He scoffed, then looked at Kathy. "Stay here with the kids," he said, pointing at her.

"Where am I gonna go, Elliot?" Kathy asked, huffing.

He narrowed his eyes, shook his head, and followed Olivia out of the squad room. They made it to the elevator in silence, but once the doors shut behind them, he was on her. "What the hell was that in there? I thought you…"

"Your wife seems to think I am the be-all-end-all in your kids' lives," she snapped, interrupting.

"Ex-wife!" he yelled. "And up until a few months ago, you were!" He shook his head. "I told you…I thanked you, and I…"

"Drop it," she interjected. "You are damn lucky things are the way they are, because if they weren't, I would be so pissed off that…forget it."

"No, say it!" he yelled. The elevator doors opened. He followed her out, huffing. "You got something you wanna say, say it!"

She turned to him and spat, "Trevor!" She ran her hands through her hair. "I would still be with Trevor. Probably married by now! Maybe I'd have my own kids!"

"Trevor?" he asked, confused. "That was two…"

"Years ago," she sighed. "I know. Elliot, this has been going on a lot longer than you realize." She shook her head and said, "I don't know why, but if that up there was any indication of how you and Kathy have always treated each other, then I understand why they never went to either of you about anything." She turned and began walking, knowing he'd follow.

"Years," he said, hurt and disgusted. "Years? They went to you…"

"Not like they've been doing recently, no," she interrupted, getting into the car. "It was just phone calls for a long time. They called me every time you fought, every time one of you stormed out of the house, every time the word 'divorce' was mentioned. I would talk to them, for hours, convincing them everything would be okay."

He let out a hard breath. "Damn it, Liv," he hissed, gritting his teeth as he shut the passenger side door.

She chuckled bitterly. "Trevor figured it out before I did," she said, bitter. "That I was in love with you. He told me that if my willingness to give up my life with him for your kids was any small inkling of what I would give up for you, then I had to be in love with you." She started the car and pulled out of the spot. "Gimme your phone," she said, holding out her hand.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, slapping it into her hand. "Liv…I don't know what to say to that. They trust you, they love you, and you…if it weren't for you they wouldn't trust me at all, so I…I just don't know how this happened. They weren't even with me! What did she do that made Lizzie leave, and why didn't she just come home?"

She shook her head as she followed the directions on his GPS, heading toward the location of Lizzie's signal. "Is Kathy dating anyone? Do you know?"

"She might be seeing her yoga instructor," Elliot said. "You think Lizzie might have…"

"We'll find out," she said with a shrug. And then she sighed, turning down a road. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. It wasn't…I guess I just realized that…I'm not sorry. I would do it all again in a heartbeat, even if it wouldn't have led us…where we are." She smiled, then. "And you will be thanking me until you're ninety-four."

He let out a small laugh. "Yeah." He smiled back at her.

She put the phone in the cup holder, listening to the voice give her directions, and she grabbed his hand. "She's fine, El," she whispered. "She probably just went to see a friend. Hey, didn't that Sasha girl move to Brooklyn?

Elliot's eyes lit up. "Yeah, about five months ago, she…"

"See?" Olivia said, grinning. "You're not that out of touch with your kids."

His heart swelled, he squeezed her hand, and he prayed she would never let go.

* * *

"What were you thinking?" Kathy asked, sitting across from Lizzie in an interview room at the station.

"Honestly?" Lizzie questioned. "I didn't think you'd notice or care," she shrugged. She ran a hand down the length of her blonde ponytail. "I didn't want to bother Dad and Liv. They've been so great and…they haven't had any time alone since we moved…"

"We don't need time alone," Elliot butted in, sitting on the edge of the table. "Honey, I missed enough of your life, unintentionally. I need to know where you are, and what you're doing, every minute of every day. Do you understand me?"

Lizzie nodded. "Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into work for this, and…well, I was just gonna stay for an hour or two to cool off. It was a pretty bad fight and…"

"Fight?" Elliot asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Mom didn't tell you?" Lizzie asked, surprised. "I thought that's why you…I thought you knew."

Elliot turned his head toward Kathy. "What fight? Who was fighting?"

Kathy opened her mouth, but Lizzie spoke. "All of us," the girl said. "We told her we didn't like her new boyfriend, and she got mad because we don't have a problem with Liv. Then Maureen said it was because Liv gave a damn about us and Tom didn't, and the Mom said if we loved Liv so much maybe we should call her 'Mom' then Dickie…"

"Okay," Elliot said, holding up a hand. "I get it. What don't you like about this guy? Is it the fact that he's dating your…"

"If that was it, we would have a problem with you and Liv," Lizzie cut in. "Tom just…he's not cool, he acts like we don't exist, and he treats Mom like…like…he slaps her butt all the time and calls her things like 'sugar-tits' and 'hotlips."

Elliot suppressed the urge to laugh, and he looked back at Kathy. "I tried to call you 'hotlips' once and you slapped me."

"He makes me feel young, Elliot, is that a crime?" Kathy huffed.

"In front of the kids? Yes!" he said, nodding. "Liv and I hold hands, maybe kiss, but that's as far as it goes in front of them. They don't need to see that. It's embarrassing, and it's awkward. Trust me, my father was the king of lewd behavior."

Kathy folded her arms. "Maybe it borders on…"

"Jerky," Lizzie said. "And rude. Crass. Abominable. Disturbing."

"Thank you, Merriam Webster," Elliot laughed. He bent over just a bit and he said, "The next time you need to blow off steam, vent, run, yell, cry, hit something…anything…you come to me. Or Liv. Or your mother, if she's not the reason like she was tonight. And we will all be there, I promise." He tugged on her ponytail and kissed her forehead. "I swear to you, I will always be here for you."

The girl wrapped her arms around her father and the embrace melted Kathy's heart.

Beyond the double paned window, Olivia's heart warmed, too. She sighed and smiled as she watched them hug, and a voice behind her said, "You did that."

She turned and raised an eyebrow. "I did my job. He did that," she said, shaking her head.

Cragen chuckled. "You gave him back his kids," he said with a shrug. "You can't deny that."

"Took away his wife to do it," she mumbled, biting her lip. "Cap, what are you…"

"You know the rules," he said, narrowing his eyes a bit. "I heard it from Alex months ago," he said.

Olivia scoffed. "Alex had her reasons for telling you," she said. "And when she told you, there was nothing...it wasn't serious."

"And I heard it from Trevor days ago," Cragen said. "Now I wanna hear it from you. Are you…"

"Yeah," she said, looking back at the window, seeing Elliot smile and laugh with his daughter. "I can't deny it now, it's pretty damned obvious."

Cragen sighed and shook his head. He folded his arms and took a step closer to her. "Well, what's it gonna be? You want Fin? You want Munch?"

"I want Elliot," she whispered, tears in her eyes. She turned to her captain and clasped her hands together. "If I can't have him then…then I need to…"

"I can't pull those kinds of strings," Cragen said. "I can keep you in the same department, but I can't keep the two of you…"

"He told me once that he would leave if he had to," she said to Cragen. She looked back at the window and bit her lip. "Just…I guess I got to you first, so…I'll have papers on your desk first thing in the…"

"Olivia," Cragen said, stopping her, "I'm not taking them, I won't sign them. You'll work with Fin, Elliot will have to deal with Munch, and on the rare occasion that we get a rough call, you can go out together. Don't throw away years of hard work and a clean record for…"

"For him?" she finished, folding her arms. "Cap, if you knew half of what I've already thrown away for him, you would know that this would be the smallest…"

"What's going on?" Elliot's voice interrupted. He, Lizzie, and Kathy had walked out of the room, the back way, and interrupted their conversation.

Cragen shook his head. "Just giving Benson her new assignment," he said. "Tomorrow morning, you're with Munch."

Elliot looked from Cragen to Olivia. "I don't under…you told him?"

"After last night? I had to," she said, nodding.

Kathy furrowed her brow. "What happened last night?"

Elliot looked at her, then slowly turned back to Olivia with a soft smile. His eyes softened and he moved toward her, taking both of her hands in his as he whispered, "Everything."

**A/N: Will we get another night of romance? Will the kids give Tom a chance? Did that rhyme? Review?**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: An awkward moment that turns into something special, leaving someone speechless. **

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and characters belong to Dick Wolf. Story belongs to TStabler**

"How was work?" Kathy asked, sipping her glass of wine slowly, eying Elliot.

Elliot sighed. "Fine," he said. It was the same answer he'd given her for years, whenever she asked about work. Even in divorce, he couldn't open up to her about it. "It was, uh, different. Ya know. Without Liv. But, uh, Munch isn't horrible."

Olivia took a sip of her wine. "Cragen said it's only temporary, relax."

"He said it's temporary, as in it'll last as long as we do," Elliot said, turning to her.

Kathy smirked. "So you don't think you two are gonna last…"

Elliot snapped his head toward her. "I meant that it's not temporary at all," he interrupted.

Tom, sitting next to Kathy, cleared his throat. "Well, uh, how about them Yankees?"

Olivia chuckled. "They lost last night," she said. "But nice try."

"You follow baseball?" Tom asked, pleasantly surprised. "Kathy can't stand it."

"Oh," Elliot scoffed, "You have no idea how incredible it's been to watch a game with a woman who isn't nagging you to change the channel." He put one arm around Olivia and said, "She yells at the TV almost as much as I do, and she's actually excited about going to the game with me next week."

Kathy narrowed her eyes. "You never took me to a game," she said, snippy.

"Are you…why would I have taken you? You hate baseball!" Elliot said, exasperated. "I'm taking Liv because I know she'll enjoy it, and the kids are gonna love having her there."

Tom shook his head and laughed. "A chick that's into sports," he said, amused. "That's awesome. You got lucky, man."

Elliot smiled, turned toward Olivia again, and said, "Yeah. I've been lucky for years. I just…I haven't noticed until recently."

Kathy jabbed her fork into her salad, making a clanging, scraping sound. Three heads turned toward her, and she growled as she shoved a forkful of lettuce into her mouth.

Olivia leaned closer to Elliot, a fire in her eyes that seemed to both challenge and threaten Kathy. "That was sweet," she said, turning her eyes up to Elliot.

In return, he kissed the end of her nose and whispered, "It's true. I got lucky the minute you came into my life, and I'm honestly grateful that things worked out the way they have. That I have you now, in so many ways, and I have the chance to love you the way I…the way I want to."

Olivia tilted her head up a bit and let him capture her lips in a soft kiss.

Kathy dropped her fork and folded her arms, then looked over at Tom. "I thought this would be easier," she said with a sigh.

"Kath," Tom whispered, "He's your ex-husband. You've got kids with him, a history. It's okay to still feel a little hurt and a little jealous. As long as you don't still…"

"I wouldn't have let him go," Kathy interrupted. "Trust me, I don't. This is just…awkward. I don't wanna be the one over there kissing him, but I don't…I don't want her doing it either."

Tom sighed and cupped her chin. "Would it make you feel better if I distracted you?"

Kathy smiled at him. "What did you have in…"

Elliot chuckled under his breath as he watched Tom kiss Kathy, and he looked back at Olivia. "Before you ask, no. That doesn't bother me."

"I didn't think it was," she said, sipping her wine. "Where the hell is the waiter? I'm starving. We came all the way out here just for this steak and lobster, and damn it, I'd like to…"

Tom pulled away from Kathy with a small gasp. "Wait, you like sports, and you're not afraid to eat like that?"

Elliot laughed, Kathy rolled her eyes, and Olivia smiled. Maybe this evening wasn't going to be so bad after all.

* * *

Throughout their entrée, the conversation turned to the kids. Kathy and Elliot shared stories of what they'd each done or said to their children, keeping each other in the loop. It was just before the waiter brought the dessert that Elliot realized something.

"This is probably the best thing that could have happened," he said, leaning back so the cakes could be dropped.

Kathy tilted her head, Olivia raised an eyebrow. Tom, nervous looking, sipped his water and cracked his knuckles. They were all looking at Elliot.

"What does that mean?" Kathy asked.

Elliot picked up his fork and prepared to slice into his chocolate cake. "It means that we talk about the kids more now than we ever did when we were married." He shook his head and said, "We get along better, look at us. We're actually having a nice night, and a few months ago, we couldn't make it ten minutes at a restaurant without arguing. This is really good."

Kathy's nostrils flared, she opened her mouth to speak, but she took a breath and sighed. "You're right," she said, picking up her own fork. She looked down just as the waiter lifted the silver dome off of her plate, and she dropped her fork to the table with a clang.

"Wow," Olivia scoffed, staring at Kathy's cake. "That's a pretty big rock," she whispered to Elliot. He laughed and squeezed her leg under the table.

"I think…is this Olivia's cake?" Kathy asked, looking up at Elliot.

Elliot shook his head. "No, uh, it's a cute idea, but I don't think, no matter how cute it is, I would ever do that in front of you. We haven't been together long enough for that, anyway."

Kathy blinked again, then turned toward Tom. "You…you're not…"

"I am," Tom interrupted. "I know it's fast, but…" His words were stopped when Kathy shot out of her seat and ran off, heading toward the bathroom.

Olivia got up, kissed Elliot's cheek, and ran after her. She didn't particularly like her, but she knew exactly what she was going through right now. She followed her into the bathroom, and said a soft, "Kathy, I…"

"Go away, Olivia," Kathy spat.

Olivia closed her eyes and said, "I know what you're going through, Kathy. I do. Please, just…"

"God, I don't need to listen to any more of your advice!" Kathy yelled, turning around. "And you have no idea what I'm going through right now!"

Olivia took a step forward, nodding. "I don't even think Elliot knows this, but, um, about a year ago, a guy I was kind of seeing…"

"How do you kind of see a person?" Kathy asked, folding her arms and leaning against the sink.

Olivia chuckled. "Well, I would only go out with him when he was in the city, usually on business. When he left, we were both free to see whomever we wanted. Nothing was official, or exclusive, or…"

"Okay, I get it," Kathy nodded, turning back to the mirror. She splashed her face with water and asked, "What does that have to do with this?"

"Well, about a year ago, he was in town, he took me to dinner, and he asked me to marry him," Olivia said. "Obviously, I was a little bit more shocked and scared than you are, since you've already been married. It was a first for me, and…I ran. Not just to the bathroom, I mean, out of the restaurant, down the street, into a cab…"

"Why didn't you say yes?" Kathy asked, looking over her shoulder. "Were you praying this would happen? Were you waiting for Elliot?"

Olivia smiled. "No," she said. "I didn't know him well enough. I didn't love him, Kathy. A few weekends a year…that wasn't a relationship. He didn't even know my middle name, or favorite color. He knew nothing about me, and I knew even less about him. I called him the next day and explained, turned him down. I haven't seen him since."

"But I am with Tom," Kathy said, shaking her head. "How is that…"

"I know what it's like to not want to say yes, and to not want to hurt him," Olivia interjected, taking another step forward. She pulled a piece of paper towel off of the roll near the sink, she dabbed it at Kathy's eyes and said, "Just be honest with him."

Kathy blinked. She looked confused.

"Tell him you just went through a divorce, you need to make sure your kids are okay and comfortable with him before jumping into this. You have a lot to deal with, with Kathleen, and planning a wedding when you're at odds with your daughter isn't a good idea. And you want Dickie out of that cast when you get married, don't you? That's, God, another two months?"

Kathy sniffled. "What are you…why are you being so nice to me?"

Olivia twisted her lips at her. "Kathy, honestly, I've never hated you. I was jealous, yes, but I only gave you what you gave me. You hated me, so I treated you the same. I wasn't really going to be nice to someone who treated me like dirt." She shrugged, wiped at Kathy's other eye, and said, "Are you ready to go back out there, let him down gently?"

Kathy nodded, taking the paper towel out of Olivia's hand. "Thanks," she said. "And for what it's worth, I never really hated you either. It was just like you said. Jealousy."

"Do you think we can stop being jealous of each other now? Maybe try to get along?" Olivia asked with a grin. "For the kids, I mean."

"Oh, right," Kathy said, smiling. "Of course. For the kids." She shot Olivia a wink as she walked out of the bathroom.

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes. She wondered what Dean Porter was doing now, she wondered when he would wander back into her life on some crazy case, and she wondered how he would react to the news that she was with Elliot now.

She laughed and shook the thoughts away, then headed out of the bathroom.

The man following her back to the table, though, was definitely not laughing.

**A/N: It isn't Dean *gasp* Who is it? Review?**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Who was following her? What will he say?**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

She was almost back to the table when someone grabbed her arm. She felt herself spinning, being thrown up against the wall of the hallway. "What the hell are you..."

His lips smashed into hers with such fierceness, she almost punched him. But when she felt his hands loosen and slide down her arms, she relaxed into it. Into him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked softly as he pulled away. His head rested against hers as he waited for an answer.

She shrugged, catching her breath. "I didn't think you needed to know," she said. "I didn't say yes, so..."

"Because you didn't love him?" he asked, a hint of pain and worry in his voice. "Tell me you didn't love him, Liv."

"El, I...I didn't...I don't know if I loved him," she said to him. "I know I didn't love him the way that I love you. I know...part of me said no because I wanted..."

"You wanted me," he said, interrupting her. He looked into her eyes and gripped her arms a bit tighter. "Liv, tell me you said no because you wanted me."

She narrowed her eyes just a bit. "You were married, I thought you were happy. I loved you, then, yes, but I didn't say no to him to hold onto to the hope that your marriage would fail and...wait...you knew?"

He sighed and kissed her softly. "I knew," he told her. "He told me. I was furious, and...the reason you haven't heard from him since...Liv, I may have told him that we were, um, involved."

"You what?" she almost yelled. She shot a look toward the table, and she took a deep breath when she saw Kathy and Tom, talking to each other intensely. She looked back at Elliot and asked, "Why did you do that?"

He was silent for a moment, slowly moving his lips gently across her neck. He heard her breath hitch and he smirked to himself. "He wasn't right for you," he whispered. "He was never going to give you the life you deserved. The life I wanted to give you."

"So you scared him off because you thought maybe, one day, we'd be together?" she asked, unsure if it was romantic or psychotic.

He nodded and dropped his lips to her neck more firmly. "I hoped," he said. "Every night, I hoped and prayed that this would happen. I just...I didn't know how to say it, or if those feelings were even real at the time. I didn't know if it was because I was fighting with Kathy, because my kids talked about you all the time, or because I really was falling in love with you."

"Have you figured it out, yet?" she asked, her hands wrapping around his waist, a slow smile easing across her lips.

He nodded, turning his head a bit to kiss her lips lightly. "All of the above," he told her. "I told you, a long time ago, that you could tell me anything. Why didn't you tell me about Dean?" He squinted a bit. "You thought I'd be mad? That it?"

She bit her lip and shrugged again, and her voice was low and soft as she said, "I didn't trust myself to open up like that. Not to you. I knew I'd probably...El, I wouldn't have cared that you were married if I had gone to you that night, and we would have made a huge mistake."

He shook his head. "It wouldn't have been a mistake," he said, gravelly and huskily. He kissed her again, pressing himself firmly into her, making his intentions and excitement known. "It would have been amazing," he whispered into her ear.

"It was," she said, rolling her hips into his, bucking against his erection.

He groaned and hit against her again. "Yeah," he whispered. "Every time, it's fucking amazing." Grabbing her hand, he pulled her away from the wall and led her out of the restaurant.

Kathy and Tom didn't even notice they were gone.

* * *

They barely made it into the taxi, the door had only been shut for a moment when Elliot's hands flew to the hem of Olivia's dress. He slipped his palms up the silky material, his mouth attacking her chest and neck as he grabbed at her body.

"El," she moaned, writhing beneath him, "El, baby..."

"What?" he interrupted, almost snapping at her. He looked up into her eyes, and she looked toward the driver. He chuckled and moved his jacket a bit to reveal his badge and gun at his hip. He smirked and said, "Hey, pal, eyes on the road."

The cabbie cleared his throat and turned around, stepping just a little harder on the gas.

Elliot turned back toward Olivia and nuzzled her neck as his hands traveled back up her dress. He latched onto her panties and pulled them down, slipping them over her high-heeled feet as she moved back further on the seat. "Twenty minutes," he said with a tilt of his head.

She smiled at him and said, "Half an hour if we hit traffic."

"I should call the kids," he mumbled, a cloth covered nipple in his mouth as he pushed a finger into her smoothly.

Her back arched and her nails dug into his shoulders. "Not right now," she breathed.

He chuckled and said, "Guess I can wait." He pushed another finger into her and said, "Can't wait for this, though. For you." He twisted and moved his fingers as he crashed his lips into hers, their teeth clicking before their kiss deepened.

The cabbie stole a peek in the rear-view mirror and grinned. He saw this kind of thing all the time, but something about them was different.

She dug her nails in deeper, he moved his fingers faster, and he pulled her onto his lap, his hand never moving away. "God, El," she moaned, soft and wispy as she straddled him, riding his fingers.

"Look at me," he demanded. He watched with severe eyes as she dropped her head forward and opened her eyes. "Beautiful," he whispered, running his free hand through her hair, the other still thrusting its digits into and out of her. "You're so beautiful."

With her lip caught between her teeth, her head rolling back again, she let out a soft moan as an answer.

He felt her clenching around his fingers, her wetness dripped down the length of his wrist as she came silently and with a tense shudder, and he smiled at her when her head lolled forward again, and she gave him a drugged and sated look. "Damn, baby," he whispered.

She took a deep breath and dropped her head to his, breathing heavily. "What the hell was that for?" she asked, her hands splayed over his chest.

"For saying no to him," he said, his eyes glassy and serious as they bored into hers. "You're mine. You have been for years. Now, it's just...more real."

The taxi stopped, then, Olivia slid off of Elliot's lap, and he paid the driver. He got out, then held the door open for her. It wasn't until they were halfway up the stairs that he realized he'd left her silk panties on the floor of the cab. He laughed, unlocking the front door, holding Olivia's hand, hoping the driver would think of it as a very big tip.

The door squeaked open and they both held their breath. They were supposed to be gone for a while longer, they'd left early and come home early, so they were expected to find the kids getting into trouble of some kind.

What they got instead was a bigger surprise. "Wow," Olivia whispered.

"They did this," he muttered, swiping a finger along the edge of the freshly dusted coffee table. "Maybe they had a party, and severely overcompensated when they cleaned up."

She laughed, but then said, "I doubt they had a party."

"We didn't," Dickie said, hobbling on one crutch over to them. "We thought we had more time. Maureen's still doing the laundry."

Elliot shook his head. "Why did you...you cleaned the entire..."

"We know how Liv feels about cleaning," Kathleen said, coming in from the kitchen. "And we thought...this is our way of saying thank you. To both of you, really. Every Thursday, we're gonna clean the place."

"Do the laundry," Maureen said, walking into the room with a basket of warm, folded clothes.

"And the dishes," Lizzie yelled from the kitchen, shouting over running water.

Olivia looked at Elliot, a smile on her face. "You've got some pretty great kids," she said.

He kissed her forehead and said, "Yeah. I do. But I know my kids." He looked back at them, looked at each one of them, and asked, "What do you want?"

"We can't just do something nice for our parents?" Kathleen asked, smiling.

"Uh-oh," Olivia said with an eye-roll. "Since when do you refer to me as your parent? Something's up. Spill."

Maureen looked at Dickie and bit her lip. Dickie sighed and looked at Kathleen. Kathleen fell into the couch and sighed. "Nice work!" Lizzie yelled dejectedly from the kitchen.

"What's going on, guys?" Elliot asked, sitting in the lounge chair and pulling Olivia onto his lap. He turned her to the side, aware that she was no longer wearing underwear, and kept her safely covered.

Dickie limped to the couch and sat next to his sister, and he looked his father directly in the eyes. "We have a favor we would like to ask."

Elliot looked at Olivia, one eyebrow rising as he slowly turned back toward the kids. This could not be good.

**A/N: What do the kids want? It's a little unexpected. Review? **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry for only updating once a week lately. I have been extremely busy at work, and I have just moved so I have been unpacking and organizing, it has taken up a great deal of time. Thank you for sticking with me. On with the story!**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Dickie looked at his sisters, then at his father. He eased into a seat and said, "Well, uh, we...we wanted to know if..."

"Jeez, Dickie," Kathleen interrupted, rolling her eyes. "We kind of..."

Lizzie ran in from the kitchen and made a grumbling, frustrated sound. "We want to spend half of the summer in Italy. July and most of August. It's part of an international childhood studies program with school. But since we're all minors..."

"You need parental consent," Olivia finished, her mind fogging with worry and confusion.

Elliot scoffed. "No way in hell am I letting you go to Italy all by your..."

Maureen bit her lip. "You wouldn't be," she said.

"See, uh, it's a Catholic school, it's gonna be a bunch of us kids and a few nuns, so...uh...well..."

"Every minor is required to have a parent or guardian with them," Lizzie said quickly.

Olivia gasped. "So you...you're asking if your father can take..."

"Actually, Liv," Kathleen cut in, "We're asking you." She saw the look of amazement in Olivia's eyes, then turned to her father and saw the disappointment in his. "Both of you. Kind of like a family vacation."

"I'm not your..." Olivia began, but before she could finish her phrase, Elliot shot her a warning look, shaking his head slightly.

"You are," he managed to say. "You're a part of this family now, you always have been." He turned back to his kids, looking at him with eagerness and pleading eyes. "Guys, I don't know. You gotta give me some time to think about this. Plan ahead, see if we can afford it, try and work out how I'm gonna take the time off work with..."

Lizzie smiled. "The baby won't even be born until December, if that's what you're worried about. Plane travel won't be an issue yet, it'll be totally safe."

"Huh?" Olivia said, turning sharply to the young girl. "What baby?"

Maureen bit her lip. "We heard you guys, last night...you were talking about a baby, we just assumed..."

"We were talking about possibly, one day, having a baby," Elliot said, laughing as he stopped his daughter from talking. "No one ever said she was..."

"Oh, great," Dickie grumbled with a pout. "So this whole thing was a bust? I cleaned under the rug, and she isn't even..."

Olivia held up a hand. "Hold on," she spat. "You're talking in circles. I thought this was about a trip to Italy with your school."

"One we were only going to take because it's free if you enrolled in a parenting and childcare class!" Dickie yelled, annoyed. "God, do you know what was under the stupid rug?"

Kathleen sat on the arm of the couch and folded her arms. "We were only going to cook and clean to give you and Liv a hand so she wouldn't have to do any heavy lifting. We thought she was...well...you know."

Dickie shook his head, sighing. "Do you think you two could move 'one day' up to sometime next week so I feel less used?"

Elliot looked at his son, flabbergasted, then turned his head toward Olivia. "Are you listening to this?"

Olivia nodded. "Your kids think we should have a kid to score a free trip to Italy."

Lizzie shook her head and hung it low. "I knew we should have asked before we talked to Sister Clarice."

"You told your principal?" Elliot fumed, his eyes suddenly wide. "Why would you do that?"

"We had to tell her, Dad!" Dickie argued. "She wanted to know why all four of us were taking the dumb class. I told her it was because we really wanted to help with the baby."

Olivia was silent for a moment, then she let her shoulders bounce in a bit of a chuckle before full on cracking up. "Oh, my God!" she roared, her harsh laughs bringing tears to her eyes.

Elliot was snickering as well, but he contained his hysterics. "Thank you for working so hard on the house. You guys are...really unbelievable." He chuckled a bit more as he said, "Go on up to bed, and I'll call your principal in the morning, clear this up, and get you out of that class."

Dickie moaned as he reached for his crutches, starting to pull himself back up off of the sofa. "But what about..."

"Italy will still be there when and if we decide...as a family...to go," he interrupted with another hidden laugh. He watched as his four children plodded up the stairs, and then laughed a little harder as he pulled Olivia closer to him. "Shit," he chuckled.

She calmed her giggles and nuzzled into him a bit. "That was...your kids are...something else."

"I'm just glad we got this all straightened out before the school sent us a crib or something," he chuckled. He kissed her forehead and whispered, "Unless you really want to..."

"We are nowhere near ready for a baby," she interrupted, looking up into his eyes. "We don't even know if this is..."

He silenced her with a kiss, his lips prying hers apart, his tongue searching out hers. He moved his hands up to her arms, he caressed her, running his fingers up and down the length of her body as he kissed her for what seemed like an eternity.

She moaned softly and wrapped her fingers gently around his elbows, loving him with every single breath she took. She finally pulled away, breathless and with closed eyes, and rested her head against his.

He moved, dragging his lips up the bridge of her nose to kiss her forehead. "Baby," he whispered, "They didn't ask Kathy. They didn't even think about asking her. They wanted to take this trip with us. You and I. For a totally wrong reason, but..."

"I get it," she said with a nod, kissing his neck. "I know."

He kissed her lips again, rising from the couch, and he pulled her up to her feet. Holding her hands tightly, he tugged her along as his lips peppered her face and lips with soft kisses while he walked backward toward the bedroom. He mumbled and moaned as their kiss deepened, and when the door closed behind them, he pushed her gently down onto the bed.

She smirked at him as he lowered himself onto the bed, she watched him smirk back as he slithered over her, crawling over her body. She laughed when he dropped his head to the crook of her neck, tickling and arousing her all at once. "El, baby..."

"Shh," he hushed, tugging on her dress. "I know we had a long night, but I wanna make it longer."

She moaned a bit as he peeled the fabric down and off, helping him by moving and shimmying. He hands gripped his tie, pulling and yanking until it fell to the floor. Her fingers made quick work of his shirt buttons, and she heard him growl as her nails raked over his chest.

"Liv," he whispered, kissing her as he reached her bra, unhooking it. "Gotta be quiet," he reminded her.

"We could always go to my place," she whispered back, sinking her teeth into his bare shoulder as he kicked off his pants.

He shook his head. "About that," he began, "Liv, I think you should..."

The bleeping of his cell phone interrupted him. He closed his eyes, sighed, and bent over the side of the bed to get the thing out of his discarded pants pocket. "Stabler," he said, annoyed and frustrated. "Oh, uh, yeah. Hold on." He handed the phone to her and mouthed, "Alex."

Olivia rolled her eyes and took the phone, bringing it to her ear. "Benson," she grumbled. "What? Now? Are you out of your...all right, all right, just...gimme some time. I'm in the middle of something here."

Elliot gave her a wicked smile and moved once, pushing into her just slightly. He watched her bite her lip to keep from moaning.

"Bye, Alex," she managed to say, then tapped a button and tossed the phone back onto the pile of clothes.

"Well?" he asked, amused.

"She called you because I wasn't answering," she said.

He thrust a bit deeper into her and said, "I think you were busy."

She moaned, now that she could, and her eyes slid shut. "She wants me to meet her for a drink, she needs to talk to me."

"Now?" he asked, thrusting hard.

"El!" she groaned, her head dropping back and her nails digging into his arms. "God! Baby!"

"Shhh," he shushed again, chuckling as he slid out of her then back in. "You're not going anywhere."

She shook her head. "I told her I'd be a while, but...oh, God, she said it was important." She blinked once and looked at him as he buried himself into her completely. "She said it was about you."

He stilled for a moment, concerned, but knew that he had done nothing and said nothing that could possibly get him into trouble. He assumed Alex must be preparing to lie, make something up to break them apart. "I'll go with you," he said, easing out. And he pushed back in slowly, kissing her.

She moaned into his mouth and nodded, wrapping one leg around his waist. She felt him speed up, and she felt herself slipping fast. She whimpered into their kiss, refusing to let go, or to let him go, her grip on him had tightened.

He moved harder, faster, getting deeper, as if trying to prove how much he loved her by physically showing it. He kissed her madly, nipping at her lips. And when he felt her clamp around him, making it hard to pull out, he cursed and moaned her name.

She tried to ease up for him, knowing he needed to move, but she lost control of her body. She bit his bottom lip as she came and she pulsed and shook beneath him.

"Fuck," he whispered, trying to hold on. He managed to thrust a few more times before succumbing to her, cumming with a loud grunt and growl of her name.

They slowed, then stilled, and they kissed softly for a few moments. He brushed her hair back and smiled at her, breathless and sweaty. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she nodded, kissing him. She let him pull her up, and they dressed, preparing to head out and hoping that whatever Alex had to say wouldn't cause a rift in what they'd only just solidified.

**A/N: What does Alex say? What was Elliot going to tell Olivia? And what does the call to Sister Clarice reveal? Review?**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: "I believe in the power of magic. Yes. Magic words: please, thank you, you're welcome, I love you, and...go to hell? Yeah, that works. It makes people disappear." ~ D. J. Andrews. Vegas Magician.**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

The menacing look on Alex's face faded as she saw Elliot coming into the bar behind Olivia. It became more of a scowl, and then she turned away as she started to blush. "Shit," she mumbled under her breath as the couple moved closer to her.

"What do you want, Cabot?" Elliot snapped, raising a finger to the bartender as he sat on the stool.

Olivia was about to sit next to him, when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her right into his lap. She eyed him carefully, then smirked and rolled her eyes. "Giant child," she teased.

He chuckled and dropped a kiss to the back of her neck. "Just letting her know that whatever she's plotting ain't gonna work."

Olivia nodded once, then looked at Alex. "What do you want to tell me?"

"What's he doing here?" the blonde asked, sounding both angry and scared.

"I know you, Alex," Olivia said with narrow eyes. "I wasn't gonna come into this, listen to you bash him, and not give him a chance to defend himself." She bit her lip for a moment. "I know myself, too, and I'd probably believe you and yell at him and leave and..."

"And that would really suck," Elliot interjected, his lips grazing the back of her neck again.

Olivia stifled the moan building in her throat, she blinked once, and said, "So tell me. Tell, um, us."

Alex cleared her throat and tried to tear her eyes away from Elliot's lips. She managed to bring them to his eyes and she grew flustered. "Kathy," she said.

Olivia stiffened. As many times as Elliot affirmed that his ex-wife was nothing to worry about, mentioning that name still made her feel threatened. "What about Kathy?"

Elliot lifted his head, eager to hear what Alex had to say. "This ought to be good," he mumbled sarcastically, his hands tightening around Olivia's waist in both comfort and possession.

Alex took another breath. She took a sip of her drink. "Kathy is going to try to get custody of the kids." She dropped her eyes. "She's been talking to Trevor, and..."

"Wait," Olivia interrupted. "You didn't drag me out of bed to tell me something horrible about..."

"No," Alex said, cutting her off. Her index finger traced the rim of her glass, and she gave a curt nod of thanks as the barman dropped two beer bottles in front of her former friends. "I asked you here to...warn you. Prepare you. Whatever."

Elliot shook his head. "Why would Kathy...I mean, she knows...I thought we were getting along..."

"Sister Claire," Olivia whispered with a gasp. "Maybe she told her what the kids said about..."

"Damn," Elliot spat. "So now Kathy thinks we're..."

"Shit," Olivia said, reaching into her pocket for her phone. "You need to call her, Elliot. Now."

He nodded, kissed her fiercely on the lips, and took the phone out of her hands. "I'll be right back," he said, gently nudging Olivia up so he could get off of the stool. He leaned over and gave her another kiss, and then he was gone, dialing a familiar number as she walked through the people-littered bar.

Alex looked at Olivia, as if studying her.

Olivia stiffened and sipped her beer. Uncomfortable silence and tension loomed between them. "Stop it," she finally said, though it came out more of a croak.

"You...you look...different," Alex told her. "Thinner, your hair's longer. You look...darker...if that's possible."

Olivia shrugged. "I've been spending a lot of time outside with the..." she blinked. "With his kids."

Alex smiled slightly. "You were gonna say 'the kids,' right? As if they were yours?"

"Alex, don't start on me now, okay?" Olivia moaned. "Not tonight. I just...yeah, after everything that's happened, I feel like they're mine." She chugged a bit of her beer. "And I don't need you telling me how stupid I am, how ridiculous that is, how this relationship is gonna fall apart like every other fucking thing in my life and I'm only setting myself up for heartache, so just...whatever you were gonna say, just...don't."

Alex sighed. "I was gonna say that it was sweet."

With another sip of beer, Olivia raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Alex said, nodding. "I know I've been a bitch, and I said some things...a lot of things that I didn't mean. That I regret."

"And getting your boyfriend to call my boss, splitting up a decade-long partnership, that..." Olivia paused. "Bet ya don't regret that."

"I didn't force Trevor to call you," Alex said with a soft snap. "Guess he's just still hung up on you. I told him he shouldn't have, that he was playing with fire, but he figured if you were apart...at work...then..."

Olivia shook her head. "Trevor...Trevor doesn't even like me anymore, let alone..."

"But he still hurts," Alex said. "You have to understand that. Since he's known you, he's come second to Elliot. He was ready to marry you, and you...dropped everything to run to save kids that weren't even...God, you really hurt him, Olivia." She shrugged. "He just wanted you to feel a little bit of that. I guess we both did."

"Okay," Olivia said, turning in her stool a bit. "Trevor I get now. That makes sense. But what the hell did I do to you? The way I remember it, you screwed up cases and threw victims under the bus to save your own ass, and I did what I had to do to stop you. You became this cold-hearted bitch long ago, and I..."

"I saw it." Alex interrupted. "You and him, falling in love. It pissed me off. It's no secret I want him, but what woman in the New York criminal justice system doesn't? The man is rugged, hot, and he probably looks amazing naked and with a body and attitude like that, he's probably an animal in bed."

Olivia smirked and sipped her beer. "Go on."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I always just assumed he was the type of guy who'd cheat on his wife with whatever woman looked at him sideways. I tried like hell. For a long time. And he kept blowing me off. Then one day, we were all in court, and I saw him look at you. His eyes said everything, and I knew the reason he wouldn't fuck me was because he was fucking you, and it really..."

"He wasn't," Olivia said, her voice flat and slightly offended. "Alex, nothing happened between us until a few months ago. He was completely faithful to his wife until..."

"Oh, my God." Alex said, her eyes wide. "You mean you never...the two of you weren't..."

"Liv," Elliot's voice broke in. He pulled her up by her arm and growled. "We gotta go."

Olivia blinked. "What...what happened?"

"We have to go over to Kathy's," he snapped. He turned his head and glared at Alex. "The only reason she was going for custody was because Alex told her we'd been sleeping together for years. She's so confused about everything that she flipped and called Trevor."  
Olivia turned toward Alex. "I was two seconds away from forgiving you."

Alex stood. "No, you...you have to believe me, I honestly thought that..."

"Oh, go to hell, Alex," Elliot barked, then he took hold of Olivia's hand and pulled, leading her out of the bar and off to clear things up with his ex.

Alex sighed and sat down, turning to the bartender. "Another one, please?" She watched the man nod and reach for the rum, and her eyes closed in defeat.

* * *

"I knew...I mean, I knew you two wouldn't have...but when someone like that says something, you just..."

"I get it, Kath," Elliot said, his arms folded and his knee bopping as he sat awkwardly on the couch. "You should have come to me first, or trusted what I had already told you."

Kathy closed her eyes. "I know that. I'm sorry. I...I'll call Trevor in the morning and...stop this." She looked up, her eyes met his. "Where's Olivia?"

"In the car," he said. "She didn't exactly feel welcome in your house right now."

"That's just stupid," Tom said, handing Elliot a cup of coffee. "She's always welcome here. As are you."

Kathy nodded in agreement, and said, "I'm sorry, Elliot. That's all I can say."

Elliot sipped his coffee and sighed. "I just...I don't get why people have to do that, ya know? They let their own feelings get in the way, and they interfere with other people's lives, regardless of what kind of damage they..."

"Kind of like what you did with Olivia and Dean?" Kathy asked, tilting her head.

Elliot's head snapped up. "What?"

"I know you called him, and I know you told him to stay away from her," Kathy said. "You called from the kitchen, Elliot, I heard everything that night. Why do you think I was so quick to..." She cleared her throat. "I know, now, that you were lying to him, but you can't crucify other people for the same sins you've committed."

"That was different!" he yelled. "I knew there was no risk of hurting her, they were already..."

"What if she wanted him to come back?" Kathy asked. "What if she just needed time to process what he wanted, and wanted him to come back for her. What if she wanted him to fight for her, Elliot?" She leaned forward. "You took away a chance for her to be happy with someone else, long before you even thought there was a chance she would be happy with you."

Elliot, taken aback, leaned forward in a slump and hung his head. "I guess...emotions make people irrational, huh?"

"Yeah," Kathy said with a nod. "Look, I won't keep you here any longer. I know I made a mistake, I know you two weren't involved at all before we...ended. I will call the lawyer in the morning, and the custody agreement stays the way it is. By the way, thanks for telling me about that whole debacle with Sister Claire. I'm pretty sure I would have flipped out even more if that crazy nun would have told me you were having a baby."

His head tilted as he rose from the couch. "You would be mad if Liv and I..."

"Put a ring on the girl's finger first, Elliot," Kathy spoke, her eyes somewhere between playful and sad. "Don't make the same mistake twice. Do it right this time."

Elliot smiled at her. "I will," he said. "Not anytime soon, but...I will. Thanks, Kathy."

"Anytime," she replied, sinking further into Tom's hug. "I really am sorry, Elliot. About...everything."  
"Me, too," he said, reaching for the doorknob. He nodded once at Tom and walked out, heading for the car. He opened the driver's side door, slipped into the seat, and stuck the key in the ignition. He didn't turn it, though.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"Just thinking." He looked at her, a long moment passed as he sunk deeply into her eyes. Then he moved and captured her lips, softly, gently, lifting his hands and lightly cupping her face. He deepened the kiss just a bit and when he pulled away slowly, he whispered, "I love you."

Stunned, she looked back at him. "I love you," she said. "What happened in there?"

"I just realized...how long I really have loved you. How much stupid shit I've done because I love you. The trouble I've caused, the things and people that I've lost...sacrificed because...because losing them hurt less than losing you. How being with you has made me feel whole, happy. Really fucking happy."

She reached for his cheek, brushing away the single tear that he didn't know was falling. "I love you, you crazy man."

He chuckled and kissed her. "You do, don't you?"

She nodded, kissed him again, and held his hand as he finally turned the key with the other. This was a rare moment when words weren't needed. Nothing needed to be said.

She smiled when he lifted their joined hands and kissed her knuckles, and he winked at her.

She sighed contentedly. After all, she believed that truth was always found in silence.

The morning, though, would bring noise. A lot of it.

**A/N: One last thank you, and someone's LAST words? Next.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: "Sometimes, it isn't what you say, but what you do not say that causes the most damage."**

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

Sirens were wailing, getting louder, growing softer, reversing. Doors were sliding open, feet were shuffling, phones ringing, people talking. None of it bothered him. None of it even registered.

He was lost, his thoughts taking over. He tried to picture what had happened while he was interrogating some son of a bitch in the pit with Munch. He bit his lip, trying to play the scenario, trying to see what happened to them. He felt so guilty. He should have been there. He was supposed to be with her. A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at a blank spot on the waiting room wall.

He heard his name being called and he turned, suddenly falling into the open arms of the woman before him. The hug only spurred on the tears that he was trying so hard to contain.

"What happened?" the woman holding him asked, her voice breaking at the sight of him, already broken. "Elliot, what happened?"

He shook his head. "They were chasing...and someone jumped from the...and Fin, he tried to...but it was too..."

Captain Cragen shook his head and walked over to them, resting a hand on the sobbing man's shoulder. "They were jumped trying to chase down a suspect. He ran them right into a trap."

Rubbing Elliot's back soothingly as he cried, Kathy looked up at the aging man. "Olivia," she mouthed, questions in her eyes.

Cragen simply looked down, biting his lip. He didn't know, and it killed him.

"Mom?" Kathleen's voice called.

Kathy turned, keeping her arms around Elliot, and met the tear-streaked face of her middle daughter. "Oh, honey, she'll be fine. You know her, and you know she would never leave you guys like this." She chuckled, though she felt tears running down her own cheeks. "She just got you." She turned back to Elliot. "All of you."

Elliot looked up and sniffled, his eyes red and swollen, and he said, "She promised me that she wouldn't leave me, not like this." He sniffled again. "Not unless she was...doing it for the kids...or for me. We...we had a deal, damn it!" He balled his fists and swallowed the cry in his throat. "Olivia Benson has never broken a promise. Ever." He looked down, his knuckles white, and spat "I'm the one who breaks promises. I wasn't gonna break this one." He squeezed his eyes shut and shouted, "God, Damn it!"

Kathy braced herself as Elliot, now angry, threw her off of him and moved to punch the nearest wall. She looked cautiously at Tom and took a step toward Elliot. "She won't, then," she whispered. "Elliot, she's gonna be okay. You have to believe that."

He shook his head and whispered, "I should have been there."

Cragen closed his eyes. "Elliot, you both made the choice to..."

"Oh, fuck you!" Elliot yelled, turning on his captain. He startled his children and Kathy moved closer to Tom. He stepped toward Cragen. "You tell me I had a choice, well, shit, you had one, too! You could have done something! There's no fucking law against falling in love, Don! You could have kept us together without..." he let out a frustrated growl in place of words, punching the wall again.

"Dad!" Dickie yelled, his voice cracking with a cry. "Stop it!"

Elliot held his head low, shaking it slowly. "I'm so sorry." He sniffled, then looked up, realizing what he had been doing for the last twenty minutes. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" he ran to his kids, holding each one of them tightly, apologizing the only way he knew how.

Cragen, stifling some cries of his own, watched the scene with a breaking heart. Elliot was right. He could have just as easily kept them together, he knew that they would look out for each other even more now. But then, he thought, maybe he wouldn't have two injured detectives but one very dead one. He knew Elliot would have dove in front of Olivia at the mere suggestion of a threat.

"Excuse me?" a young doctor in blood spattered scrubs questioned. "Who came in here with Olivia Benson?"

Cragen moved but Elliot moved faster. "Just tell me she's alive!" he shouted.

The doctor sighed. "She's alive, yes. Are you her husband?"

"Yes," Elliot answered, without hesitation. He missed the singe of discomfort on Kathy's face and bolt of confusion on Cragen's as he asked, "Is she okay? How bad is it? Can I see her?"

"Slow down, Sir," the doctor pressed. "She will be fine, in a few weeks. She needed quite a few stitches, and she's going to have a bit of trouble moving her left arm for a while. You can see her just as soon as we move her to recovery."

"What about Fin?" Cragen asked, relief and concern battling for control. "Odafin Tutuola, the other stabbing victim."

The doctor looked puzzled. "Oh, I don't have any information about him. You'll have to ask his surgeon. I'm sorry."

Elliot pulled his oldest daughter, Maureen, into his arms, crying again. This time, they were tears of relief.

* * *

He opened the door, a creak echoed through the room and it jolted her awake. He stilled as he watched her reach under her pillow for a gun that wasn't there, and he smiled. "You're definitely gonna be okay."

"What the hell happened?" she mumbled groggily, running her tongue around her teeth to rid her mouth of the antiseptic taste.

He walked over to her bed, tiptoeing, but he felt silly since she was already awake. He sat beside her and took her hand. "You tell me," he told her. "You don't remember?"

She squinted, she moved, and she flinched. The pain ripped through her arm bringing back the memory. "Oh, fuck, serrated knife."

He bent his head and pressed his lips gently to the bandage. "Tell me what happened?" he whispered.

"We were both running after the guy, he led us down this alley, one Fin knew was a gang hangout. He told me to stay back, but I...you know me. I ran with him. I asked if he could see anything in front of him, and just as I turned the corner...I got slammed. I didn't even see it coming." She looked at Elliot. "What...where's Fin? Is he okay? Did he get the son of a bitch?"

Elliot shrugged. "Don't know yet, baby. As soon as I could, I came in here to see you. No one's said anything about Fin yet. At least, not to me."

She shook her head. "I was so stupid," she mumbled. "You never turn the corner without...and your partner should always..."

"Fin just works differently, honey," he whispered to her. "It took years to get to where we are. Well, were. Ya gotta give Fin time to get used to having someone younger than Munch watching his ass." He chuckled and brushed the hair out of Olivia's eyes. "I love you. So much."

She looked into his eyes, seeing they were red and dry. "You were crying?" She let her fingers graze his knuckles, feeling the gauze move beneath her touch. "Oh, El, what did you do?" She knew. She knew him, and knew he'd taken his fear and anger out on some poor piece of furniture.

He pressed his lips together as he tried not to start crying again. He shook his head. "I thought I was gonna lose you," he whispered. He kissed her softly, slowly, and sniffled. "You don't know what was going through my head. I've never...I have always been there when you were hurt, so this..."

"Shh," she shushed. "Don't. I'm okay. I'm fine."

He nodded and kissed her again. He cupped her face, he closed his eyes, and he moaned softly, hoping it would mask the sob. He trialed small kisses down her neck and back up to her lips, and he looked into her eyes. "You promised," he told her sternly.

She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "I did, yeah," she said. "You promised me, too, ya know, so I don't wanna be on the other side of this any time soon."

"Nothing to worry about," he said with a grin. "Munch is faster than he looks."

"Good," she said, slanting her lips over his again.

The door creaking open again broke them apart, and they both looked up to see Cragen, his eyes were leaking large tears, and he broke down at the sight of Olivia in the hospital bed. "I'm sorry," he said, shaking slightly. "I'm so sorry."

Olivia held her breath, seeing the two strongest men she'd ever known cry, and she said, "I'm fine. Will you two please stop? If Fin hadn't told me to stay down..."

"Oh, Fin," Elliot said, his eyes widening. "How is he?"

Cragen swallowed, and he took a long, trembling breath. "Fin," he breathed. "Oh, God, Fin. He...he didn't make it."

**A/N: SAY WHAT? FIN? SAY IT ISN'T SO! Stay tuned for the last installment.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: "When words fail, it is actions that reveal the truth to the ones that need to see it it." **

**DISCLAIMER: Dick Wolf own SVU and the characters; TStabler© owns the story you're about to read.**

The days that followed the stabbing were rough. Olivia was taken out of the field until her arm healed, the woman they sent in to take Fin's place was incompetent and rude, and made everyone miss Fin all the more.

The funeral was solemn, every officer in the city dressed in their formal blues and blacks to honor their fallen brother, and when it became too much for Olivia to handle, she fell into Elliot's arms.

He cried, too, openly and unashamed, because Fin had done what he himself had sworn to do. He gave his life for the job, and for his partner. Elliot looked into Olivia's red eyes that balmy afternoon, and he said, quite firmly, "This wasn't your fault."

She replied with a voice just as firm. "I know." But she felt that it was, that she should have gotten up and helped, shot, kicked, something. It happened, and no one could change it, and nothing anyone said or did would make it better.

Ken, Fin's son, felt more guilty than anyone, since he hadn't spoken to his father in months. Now, there was so much between them that would be left unsaid. What could be said, anyway, that would undo years of damage?

Getting back into the swing of things, the routine of the life they'd grown used to, was hard for Olivia and Elliot. Fin was their go-between, when they were bickering. Their neutral party. Their Switzerland. With him gone, they had to deal with their fights and issues on their own, and they realized just how often it happened.

It had only been a month, and it seemed like everyone was moving on, picking up and making it through, but Olivia resented working with a woman, a rookie whom she didn't trust. Whom no one trusted.

She was in the process of making a phone call, ignoring her new partner's babbling, when Cragen stepped out of his office for the first time since Fin's death. He stood between Olivia and Elliot, waiting.

"What's up, Cap?" Elliot asked, leaning back in his chair.

Cragen smirked and shook his head, then pointed to Olivia. "I'll wait for her."

The snarky redhead sitting across from Olivia folded her arms. "I'm here. I'm listening."

"This doesn't really involve you," Cragen said, tilting his head.

"I'm Benson's partner, it actually does concern me," she returned with an air of entitlement in her voice.

Cragen ran a hand down his face. "That's...that's what this is about," he said. He watched Olivia hang up the phone, and she got out of her chair.

She looked across her desk, no trace of a smile on her face as she looked at the woman sitting there, and she said, "We have to go down to Warner, she..."

"Mason," Cragen interrupted. "Go down to the lab with Munch."

Olivia looked at him, as if just realizing he was there. "Excuse me?" she scoffed. "This is my case, Cap, I think..."

"You need to get down to Thirty-Seventh Street," the captain broke in again. "Fourteen year old. Take your partner."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "You just sent my partner down to see Warner with..."

"She's not your partner anymore," Cragen said. He shot her a wink, then jutted his thumb toward Elliot.

She looked at him, his eyes as wide as hers, and in a moment that was purely unprofessional, Elliot rose out of his heat and threw his arms around her. She held him just as tightly, and exhaled slowly. "Thank God," she whispered.

He kissed her neck, he whispered something in her ear that made her smile, and they both looked at Cragen. "Why?" he asked, holding Olivia's hand.

He shook his head, his eyes falling. "With Fin...gone...I need to know that my field team will always have each other's backs. I need fast, strong, and if you're romantically involved or not, you're the best team I've seen in my entire career, so...I'm giving in. Go. Do your jobs."

At a loss for words, Olivia said the only thing she could say. "Thank you."

With a simple look and a nod from Cragen, they were off, Olivia's arm a bit stiffer than it had been, and Elliot's strut cranked up to its highest level. They were back, and they knew they had to stay focused if they wanted to keep it that way.

* * *

"Ya know," Elliot's soft voice stated as he wrapped his arms around her. "You stare at them like you expect them to disappear."

She leaned back into him, but kept her eyes focused on Dickie, sound asleep in his bed. "Part of me thinks they will." She clutched his hands as he pulled her tighter against him, but didn't move from the doorway.

"They're not going anywhere," he whispered, his breathe hot in her hear. He finally pulled her backward, away from his son's bedroom, and said, "And neither am I."

She shivered, her body reacting to the heart radiating off of him. She dropped her head to his chest and felt his lips on her skin as he tugged her toward their own bedroom. "Elliot," she moaned, turning her head to give him more access to her neck.

He chuckled. "Shh," he hushed, easing her down onto the bed. "Kids are sleeping," he said as his hands worked his belt open.

She watched him pull the leather through the loops and toss it to the floor, and that's when her fingers gripped his shirt. She let out a soft growl as she lifted the cotton, and moaned softly when he crawled over her, laying her down, and helped her get it over his head.

He looked down at her, holding her gaze as he shimmied out of his pants. Naked now, he pinned her between his legs, straddling her as he worked her clothes off and away.

Her breath hitched and her back arched when he settled over her and took a nipple into his mouth. Her toes curled and her nails dug into his back when he pushed a thick finger into her. She moaned loudly, leaning her head back, when that finger began to move.

"Shh," he quieted with a soft chuckle.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, which were fixed on hers, watching every flicker of emotion she gave off, and she knew he was right. This was not a time for words, nothing could be said now that hadn't been said already, and nothing could be talked about that would make the moment more special that it was.

She kissed him and scraped her nails up his back and over his shoulders, telling him, in a way, that she needed him. She needed more.

He thrust another finger into her and caught her moan in his mouth, his tongue lapping it up and swallowing it. After a few moments, though, he moved his hand and settled over her, inching himself into her slowly. He said nothing as he kept his eyes focused on hers still, his lip gnashed between his teeth.

Her hips rose to meet his slow thrusts, her hands slid off of his body to find his on either side of her body. They squeezed their palms together for a moment before Elliot gathered her wrists in one hand and lifted them over her head. He bent his head to kiss her, then dropped it further to suck her nipple into his mouth again. This time, he didn't quiet her moans. He knew that she would remember to stay quiet. He heard the soft, cooing murmurs from her, and he smiled.

She felt the burn rise, coursing through her like a fast-acting poison. Her breathing sped up with her heartbeat, her bosy tightened and stiffened, and she knew she was so close to falling, so fast and unexpectedly.

He kept moving, pistoning in and out, gaining just a bit of speed and power. He let go of her nipple, looked up at her, and almost lost it. The look on her face told him everything he needed to know, and as much as he wanted to tell her he loved her, he didn't have the breath. He felt his body stiffen, felt her clenching and pulsing around him, and he dropped his head into the crook of her neck, nipping and sucking at her rapid pulse.

She shook tremendously as her body went rigid, and he grunted as quietly as he could, thrusting three more times before stilling and shaking himself. Overcome with emotion and exhaustion, he crashed his lips into hers and rolled her over, staying within her as they found the middle of the bed.

They'd spent almost a year dancing around words, trying to find something to say that would truly convey how much they felt, how much they loved one another. When it came down to it, they found that words were unnecessary. Every night, before they cuddled up in bed to sleep, they proved that actions truly did speak louder than words.

**Thank you all for reading, and sticking with this story. If you'd like to request a fic, please so do here, or on Twitter: TracieOneSeven**


End file.
